last day of sip

can you believe it?

5 months. gone. and we've been looking forward to it so much. we'd thought that this day would never come.

still, 23 jan. its here. 

mixed feelings. i thought i'd be happy that its finally over. now i feel kinda reluctant to leave. sheesh, its the post-event depression again. i hate this, i duno why am i the only one feeling it this way.

i dont miss the work, i dont miss the waking up and travelling. i think most of all, i miss the bunch of crazy peeps, tp or np, who spiced up the 5 mths.

fixers, 3 hrs lunch, laughing at supervisors behind their backs. i'll miss them all.

but i think the most impt reason for keeping me from jumping for joy is the uncertainty.

will i be able to complete my mp? will i get good grades? will i get into uni?

everyone started discussing abt uni all of a sudden. i duno why but i just dint have the mood to do so.

i lost my laptop. which means mp has gotta be retyped from scratch. well done me.

the heavy heart even made me not interested in phuture. when they told me that it was full house, i was just like, oh wells. i just need a sleep and think through stuff. maybe wake up and not feeling so depressed. 

maybe this goodbye is a preview of end-of-poly. 5 mths and im like that alr. what will i become of if its the 3 yrs i had hated so much.

i dont understand myself. the older i grow to be, the more complicated my thoughts seem to evolve. 

the past week made me realise quite a few facts. and the above paragraph was one of the most overwhelming fact.

which made me feel like blogging. or else i wouldnt even have bothered.

i duno, maybe i just shdnt post any of my entries, since blogs have become so commercialised and fake. msn, sms as well. i think technology has changed us all. which explains why i just repel it.

i mean it. one day i'll escape to somewhere secluded where technology cnt reach me. the world is just too noisy.

forgive me for the over-pessimistic post. oh who am i kidding? im just talking to myself again, thats what i meant by technology driving me crazy.

i miss my laptop ):

byebye 2008 :D

DPP ALL THE WAY.

i really hate that damn subject you know. thank freaking god im graduating. PROVIDED i complete that damned project.

and the problematic MAJOR PROJECT which ive not touched for 2mths alr! dead? yes.



AND RETAIL SHIT. omg i hate charles and keith.




i bought iphone. ahha im totally new to it so pls be patient, i cnt msg for nuts. its driving me crazy! but the phone's addictive lol. BUT it gives me motion sickness. really. i arrive at hsa everyday feeling nausea. i reach home everyday feeling nausea. i just feel like puking everytime i use that phone. or maybe using it really makes me wanna puke. (pun intended)



firedrill the other day at hsa. hahaha damn funny. no one bothered abt the interns' lives la. okay nvm we went 7-11 anw.



HAPPY BIRTHDAY FIONA POKE ASS. surprise party for her cost me 260 BOMBS (assuming 1 bomb = 260 bucks)




okay off to dinner then countdown at marina!

byebye 2008. bad year, really.

random.

I GOT MY FREAKING DRIVER'S LICENCE! WOOTS.

but i dint feel as happy as i imagined myself to be, yea maybe for a few minutes at first. because that meant more petrol erp parking coupons and carpark charges ):


uwa application's deadline is 28nov.

darn it. too many things going through my mind. but it all boils down to 2. money, and family.

i know i'd really be disappointing jiemin if i backed out now. the truth is, i really wanna go! but we really cnt afford for me to continue my studies now with the financial crisis going on. god knows when this whole freaking thing will end.

i can just go ahead and apply for all i want you know. but i dont want to get to know that im accepted and then disappointed for not being able to afford to go. i'd rather not have the hopes at all.


interning sucks. i hate the mundane job of weighing and sonicating and filtrating and printing out the freaking no-brainer chromatograms. seriously, its such a no-brainer it takes not more than an olvl cert to do it. no wonder they accept poly interns. i mean technically, we're only olvl grads.

the more i interned, the less i wanna continue in this field. i duno whats still keeping me going on the job, the grade for major project maybe. the passion, when i first joined, is gone. not even when i watch my favourite tv show. okay not much link there but at least im still coherent.

it could have been worse, lets look at it this way. i fought all the way, from sajc to htm to bms to arguing with vijaya and chuakimsuan just to get in this place. now that im in it, i fully half understand the insides of the job. its much better than i plunge myself into the degree in murdoch/curtin, or worse still, masters in uwa, and apply oh-so-happily when i come back and DANG, i realise how fucking boring and repeatative it is and i regret it with all my life and lament over the 3 X 25k AUD ive spent. yea just for that painful lesson.

at least, INTERNING IS FREE! not.

ive spent so much on apparel, food (maybe not as much, i dont even have time for lunch/dinner!), TIME, and ive sacrificed going out, dance sometimes, and STUDIES no less. my mp/sip logbooks almost empty, freaking dpp's not done, and im at such disadvantage. us, the non-pharmacy technician assistants dont get to bathe ourselves with parcetamols and asprins and cough syrups everyday. i bet you we will be the ones who'll get a D for dpp.

and the group members are not helping! so much for being considerate.


speaking of which. i think pst is either too small, or the ppl in there are just too studious. it seems like its so difficult to get friends there. and i dont mean hi-bye kinda friends. what i really need is friends who dont only talk me when they have a question regarding school work, or who skip classes and ring me up only to borrow notes. its just that everyone's known each other since yr1 and are on really good terms with each other, have their own cliques and stuff. i just dont know how i can wedge myself in without feeling too deliberate. i know i needa put myself out there, but i just cant seem to find anyone who'll accept other ppl.


was out with jiemin ytd. i really agree with what she said about him. but it only make me think of whats happening to us. does she feel of me the same way? i duno, there are stuff i can tell her, which ive never told anyone else, just like things i can tell emily/jun but not themselves. its so weird that, im like hiding stuff about them but confiding into others. its all back to the i-cnt-bring-myself-to-tell-you-that kinda feeling.


i do seem to have a knack for linking thoughts tgt. because this brought me to something i read at huanyuet's blog. i dont want us siblings to seem like total strangers after my many years of being away from home. especially since i only fly home once a yr.

because this is another reason for making me reluctant to go aussie. i cnt bring myself to tell them that. blame it on the ego. the whole family's full of it anyway.


the other day, i was contemplating whether or not to tell her that. i knew the consequences if i did. but i still gave it a shot. true enough, it was as i expected to be. to date, its been more than a week and its still the same situation. because of the ego.

i know that this cnt carry on. yea it would be the most obvious and sensible thing to put down that freaking big E word with caps and take the first step. the thing is, it really isnt my fault. okay maybe its not about who's fault it is over here. but the character-in-concern isnt me.

whatever. i duno how long this will last but i reakon its not gonna be anytime soon, considering that big fat ego if hers.


ive alr tried my best, what more does everyone wants? rmbr the day she passed on, everyone told me to be strong, that i have to be jiejie, daughter, mummy and home-maker now. i know that and i did all i could. i know she needs a mummy, given her maturity and character, but she definately doesnt want one. or maybe not even a sister.


my virus' not planning to go away. its been a week and im feeling really terrible. at times, i just wanna cuddle up to mummy/daddy and get a big hug and who knows, maybe that thermophillic virus will be overwhelmed with family warmth and might even kill him. hahaha yea maybe that'll do the trick.



the other day, i went back to dbs rochor to get my payslip plus visit the colleagues. bought awesome j co's for them. 2 dozen, lol. darn expensive. anyways, zain and mich were excited at seeing me at first, but then they told me about the retrenchment. oh, that was the day the news came out. i was reading the papers before i left home. sighs. i was telling weekiat how lucky i was to have left before the retrenchment but he said i was stupid, should have stayed till the retrenchment, cos there will be pension. hahaha i dint know la, im only a temp!



im trying very hard to accomodate. its not easy, but i duno how the rest can do it. if they can, so can i. but its been all one-sided. if its alr like this now, what about next yr, and the following one?



hahah can you see im trying very hard to not type with lahs, lehs and lors, becasue if i really were to go aussie, i'd better start brushing up on my humiliating language. but all this blogging is giving me a headache. i think i should go bake some cookies for the colleagues and do my dpp afterwards. shit that.

tired ))):

i really really wanna blog but i also really really really have no time.

i have so much to say i'd need so much time to blog ):


anw.

i failed my driving ): NVM 2ND TIME SURE PASS AHHAHAH

mummy's 1st yr today. i miss you ):

i got HSA. which isnt exactly what i imagined it to be in fact, worse. X100000000

i miss ppl from school )):




first of all. i miss goi jie min my dearest proj mate gossip queen MY FUTURE ROOMIE. she had to go bukit batok la. if only i can join her ):

i miss what cheng har and tan si xuan. forever so nice to me. asking me along for subways and all ):

i miss wang weifang lynn and tan qian wen jessica for listening to my complaints and letting me copy work ahhahah. lucky them, ttsh with huirei ):

i miss loo boo ann charles for irritating me and copying MY work. hahahha schoolmates 7 yrs and classmates 5 yrs leh. chat with you soon okay.

i miss sum zhiyong zachary too. it feels weird to not tease him for a day. anw will get to see him when he comes back in jan yay.

i miss eugene lee kee mingggggggg. nobody to poke me and cheer me up. ayyyy lucky him. BONUS SEH.

i miss firah too )): sorry girl, you're all alone in school now. but cheer up we'll meet when we go back to school ahhha.

and lim jia huan joanne my happy nut. hahaha kaixin guo. i miss your face la. have fun in jiang nannnnnnnn.

yane tan yuan qiu. im really sorry too but i'll book you early soon. ahhahaha mondays or fridays only. i dance 5 times a week :X





anw i wanna say.

thank god i still see emily. work would be tortourous if i have nth to look forward to. hahah my future fridays are reserved for her.

thank god i still meet tonberry. 2 yrs and going strong. YAY. sorry that i always pangseh yall. okay my fault that im dancing more than i can afford la. but you cnt blame me for wanting to do what i like! yall also what. pool pool and more pool.

KOH HANJUN. you'd better be reading this. i wanna tell you im so glad i went to foc06 and SLEPT! hahahah cos i got to know you and we became such good friends! from elf to latin and salsa to street(?). thank god i met someone with (almost) the same interest as me. ahhaha. and boy im glad that you'd like the stuff i bought you so far. designer leh! so flattered to have a designer ascertain my taste. hahah.



okay i need to sleep alr. be grateful i blogged.
the next entry will be 38619450165067845 years later. byebye

DRIVINGGGG

wahpiang.

$2413.85



i'd better pass on my first attempt.

the world's suayest bad luck magnet.

despite saying whatever la. im used to it alr. gazillion times, i think im still DAMN BUAY SONG with this.




shit her. why am i always the unlucky one?


evidence #1: i got cheated by the cai fan auntie in itas ): 2.90 bucks for awful rice!! my ever 1st and very last time.

evidence #2: allergic rhinitis came up for dpp. everyone else studied for it EXCEPT OUR GROUP! $#%@^^!&

evidence #3: i fell asleep on 23 while on the way to kallang. AND GOT DOWN AT THE WRONG STOP ))):

evidence #4: so i decided to take 966 to sajs bus stop. but the damned bus made me wait for 30 MINS!! i swear, i timed it okay.

evidence #5: meanwhile, 23 came and went, but me being so insistent on waiting for 966, I WATCHED IT GO PASS )):

evidence #6: so i msged iris to check how long more will the damned 966 take to arrive. and iris replied 966 IS NOT A SBS SERVICE!!! blahhhh waste my money )):

evidence #7: so finally after another 10 mins, 23 came and i decided to take to boonkeng. then i went to buy bubble tea and the auntie charged me 1.80 when i usually bought the same thing for only 1.20!!! grrrrrrrrr.

evidence #8: the lid wasnt attached properly so when i shook the cup, MY GREEN TEA SPILLED ALL OVER ME ))):

evidence #9: then when i walked over to cross the road to the bus stop at towner, the road was freaking busy that i stood there rooted for 5 mins.

evidence #10: so i decided to take the underpass. just as i was about to go down, THE FREAKING ROAD WAS CLEARED OF ALL VEHICLES ))):

evidence #11: after all the wait, i finally boarded 9** (i cnt rmbr the bus no) to bukit batok. and thanks to my wondeful luck, theres this uncle who boarded at jurong kechil and sat down next to me. SORRY BUT HE DINT SMELL REALLY NICE AH. seriously, im not cursing him or what. i really dont blame him but i think he has renal failure. honestly! he smelled like urine la! i think he has HYPERURICEMIA. urgh, of the 8364620 passengers on the bus, HE HAD TO SIT WITH ME!! and i couldnt change seats cos of my burdens, plus i was traped inside )):

evidence #12: finally finally that uncle alighted. but i was still suay! the bell on my side wasnt working and by the time i picked up my barang barang and went over the door to press the darn bell, the bus shoot passed the stop T.T

evidence #13: so i walked back one stop. needless to say, I GOT LOST ):

evidence #14: just as i thought oh man ive reached and there cnt be anymore suay things right?, my godmother announced that she'll be making pork chop for dinner T.T imagine the yells in my head!! urgh. still, i forced it down ):

evidence #15: then scott came and started SCREAMING INTO MY EARS!! they are seriously ringing now ):

evidence #16: and the best of all, scott decided to make joyce, ronnie and me apple juice plus FREAKING LOADS OF HONEY. but thats not all. 1/2 the cup was filled with ANTS!!! I FUCKING SWEAR TO GOD I DRANK LIKE 3/4 OF THE FUCKING CUP BEFORE I REALISED!!!!! we were like fuck, its fucking sweet! then we were like, is there pulp in it? so we looked into the cup and FUCK MAN!!! WE FUCKING DRANK ANTS JUICE!!!!! $*(*%#&^$&!$#@


and not to mention that, throughout the whole tormenting day, i was caryying 3 bags which, in total, weighs like 20 kg )): i think im qualified for the army alr.




this is the worst day of my life. ever. although ive resigned to fate, i still cnt stop complaining ):




thankyou. you've come to the end of the entry of THE WORLD'S SUAYEST BAD LUCK MAGNET'S blog.

19.

yay very long nv blog alr.


town sucks now i tell you. for the past 10 days, ive been to town 7 times! i swear. omg. AND, ive been to starbucks 8 times!! urgh and i just checked my bankbook, ive spent 410.90 )): ON FOOD! shit man im a spending plus eating machine. i think i just gained 10kg.


so after midsems, the long awaited TERMBREAK arrived (: chionged gmp ppt, report and all. and yay for us that presentation, although screwed, ended quite well. the only sad thing was that we didnt get to present the freaking floorplan which we slogged so hard for. please, let there be peer evaluation for phase1 :X and please please please let us get best grp. i do hope our effort paid off ):

but congrats to everyone too! phase2 pia-ing time (: darn, means more itas. zach sum, i will make sure you book proj room this time.


dinner with pst clique at 85. freaking funny la they all. charmane's good mating practices (: oh and the degowning room lol.


fish and co with tonberry. i duno why wz went also but nvm la, although abit weird. we went to send ruby off. lucky ass i also wanna go korea ): blur gek lost her phone, not her fault though. but thank god for the nice manager and rookie at f&c we managed to retrieve it after body search :X sorry mr dishonest but too bad for you la hur.


up your service workshop was crap. darn waste of time. the best part was lunch la. lol veryveryvery long nv eat with lynn alr! and first time with jess (: i love her la, she's so nice, always lending me notes! and we finally got a half-pst aka dpp grp photo!

chengy eugenia and my bday celebration with our cliques plus lynn's. thankyall (: and thanks chengy and eugenia for the cake!


finally finally went to trim eyebrows with fiona. they're growing at an alarming rate la and ive been darn lazy so i dint do them myself. whew. but i look rather fierce now, so pls dont ask me if im pmsing.


award ceremony. presenting to you, the best interest group ay07/08, EXPERIENTIAL LEARNING FACILITATORS (: omg our hardwork finally paid off! thankyou committee for meetings and planning and whatcrapshit we faced, rejected memos from terence/kyle/dd/whoeverhatedus. thankyou hanjun for listening to my complaints. thankyou tangekteng for taking minutes/approving sealpoints when i shd be the one doing, i think i was more like YOUR assistant. thankyou everyone for understanding my family problems and im really sorry i had to be mia for so long. omg we finally stepped down!!

I LOVE EMILY NEO MEILING! that girl came down to cheer for me after her award ceremony! lol but thats cos her friend was going to support her bf. so she tagged along -.- anw we went town after that. seoul garden! i like (: anw, emily had meat craving. but that carnivorian took so much beef that she couldnt finish it all. lol she made the poor cow die for nothing. so we ended trying to hide the leftovers everywhere just like everyone else -.-

actually we were supposed to go dempsy. too far la, darn. awww i miss that place. pls pls pls let me get my driving licence soon!

speaking of which, my tp's 5sept. still so long cannnn. i dont mind chionging lor, not like lazy johnny :X and its so unfair, sam's 11july, junjie's 5aug, eric's 4sept. all earlier than me, and they're taking private )):


and i shopped with emily again. canele disappointed me la urgh. the caffe bar was wayyy better.


movie with shijia. accuracy of death. nehhh wasted my money la. but takashi kaneshiro's so cute its sort of worth the money :P


yane came my house before dance on wed. its been ages can. then we made plans to stayover at her place when school reopens, then we'll go to school the next day. woots. and ditto emily. but in her case, its my house since the only time she's been here is when we were in yr1, when we just got our then-beautiful identical laptops and she came over so that we can configure ours tgt (: i cnt wait la!!


after dance went t2 to meet momo sc and nick. qs that shythead, got curfew also nv say earlier. anws, wonderful brAther bought me tcc cake. actually after the cake from chengy and eugenia, i greatly feared cakes okay. nontheless, it was nice. thanks wookiatmae!


shopping with beishi. not bad, we managed to buy most of the stuff she needed for stardust. speaking of which, I WANNA WATCH!! my idol's competing too la )): how how how anyone got extra ticket to spare? maybe i can ask laoshi yefeng or beishi.

then we went vivo for starbucks after that cos we both felt it was still early. 10pm and everywhere's closed! omg how am i gonna survive perth you tell me. had a long talk with her, which brought me back to my senses.

what is it that made you take up dance in the first place? the passion, the interest.

yet, because of all these politics, most of us'd alr forgotten this simple fact. sure, dance for competitions, dance for performances, for attention, for fame, and revenge, to get close to that girl and whatsoever. but rmbr. dance, happily.

thanks for making me realise what ive forgotten. sometimes, the facts and values in life are rather simple and obvious, but they are also often forgotten and neglected. it shames me to say that almost all of us need wake up calls like these to bring us back on track. maybe sometimes, being simple-minded and innocent is really a blessing in disguise.

but no, by that i dont mean not having a mind of your own.


shopping with hanjun. happy bday to us! lol ate and ate and i swear im really becoming a tub of lard.


velocity with emily (: thanks for the treat my dear. lol third time i met her in just one week. and we had packet milk and coffee from korean supermarket! ahahha weird, but nice. midnight you dont mess with the zohan at cine. freaking lame la, but draggy. not verryyyyy nice, but its not bad a movie if you need a laugh.


anw, im 19 alr! shit la thats old. next yr i shant open any bday msges. sighs.

and, i still had to work on my bday! darn that algae la. but anw after that went dinner with fiona and daddy. treated them to chinese (: ruby and xl were like asking how come bday girl treat?

yea, bday might be like the most impt day for most ppl. like im the boss or sth. but what is a birthday? dint yall realise, its the day your parents gave birth to you. so arent they more impt than you?

so here's the special thankyou speech. even if you dont get to hear/see it.

mummy, thanks for risking your life, conceiving and giving birth to me, given your renal condition. you gave me the best you could despite our financial problems. you comforted me everytime after daddy caned or scolded me. you tolerated all my nonsense, but you never once flared up or threw your temper at me. looking back, i was such a lousy and unfilial daughter. yea, maybe giving birth to a piece of charsiew would be better. whenever i was home late, you'd call and check if i was safe, but i'd feel that you were irritating me. then you would stay up until i get home, which almost everyday is ard midnight. but i dint care, i only wanted to spend more time with tonberry. fcuk me, why dint i treasure all this in the past? you'd prepare nutritious stuff for me whenever i have exams coming up and drive me to school everyday. but i'll only take it for granted. each day, the total number of sentances i say to you, i can count with one hand and still have remaining fingers. i really regret treating you this way. but its all too late isnt it? im sorry for not treasuring you. goodbye mummy. thankyou, i miss you, and i love you.

daddy, thankyou for slogging to feed the family. thanks for taking up the role of mummy after she left. thanks for keeping her business going. im sorry that i promised to help but broke the promise in the end. im sorry that im always quarrelling with you, i guess im the one with attitude problem. sorry that i always make you angry and disobey you. but i wanna tell you that even though im not your favourite girl, i still love you. please dont do anything silly, please dont break up whats left of the family.

with love, your daughter.



okay i duno why im typing all these thankyou stuff when no one'll read it. and i do salute you if are reading this now. boring.

anw, met tonberry for minds then midnight get smart. this time i really couldnt take it alr so i dozed off some parts during the movie )): but it was rather nice! better than zohan anyway. ahhaha. thanks for the present and for spending the day with me (:

oh, and THANKS fiona clair janice meryl dor amanda susan stacey qijun yongliang ali lester derek weizhen for the watch. damn ex okay. and yes, I LOVE IT. really thanks :D

and everyone else who msged/im-ed (: but im sorry that im so bad with rmbring bdays. and yall rmbred mine ):

og birthday celebration turned out to be only a gathering with me shuang yixiang sam and des ): sorry, miscommunications :X anw, lunch at tcc (again!) then kongfu panda! hahah finally. stewpid father dowanna watch with us la. anw, its the best movie among all those i watched :D oh and thanks sam lee tionghui for carrying the heavy chemistry notes for me ah. i will mug hard and not let you down (:

I TELL YOU AH. i thought today (22jun) is sat and that tmr is sun. and now its 2am and ive not bathed! shit la i dont even know that school's starting tmr ):

i'm still trying to get myself to mug for dpp termtest. this term will be really hectic, i have to buck up on my studies and stop slacking. what i'm looking forward and dreading at the same time is the upcoming sip. i've been cramming all those pharmacotherapeutics shit into my non-existant brains, hoping to put into practice all ive learnt, but im either gonna end up being posted to some crap guardian outlet where i do nothing but to paste labels, or in school where i have to wash all the test tubes and beakers after all spoilt year ones are done with them. dammmnnned.

spain vs italy. clement loi and desmond sim go and sleep la! not nice one.

loi: tml sch reopen i must wake up earlier liao. Tp JC students will jam the bus
me: hahaha
me: YAHHH
loi: without them my trip onli 20 mins
loi: with them become 1 hr

okaaaayyy, i find this very funny.

now. resolutions for the grown up:
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tmr la, i wanna bathe desperately now. tata (: