what am i really doing in aussie? i keep asking myself that. but today, i'm serious.
XX's gotten his scholarship from MOH to do something so niche that not many has heard of, let alone pursue. despite this, MOH only gives out 2 scholarships per year. his results were only decent but amidst the competition, he got it. luck? maybe.
im so envious of his intelligence, and more importantly, his determination. this is like the only thing he ever wants to do. he rejected all the universities that accepted him, including dentistry at nus.
watched fame today with the housemates. to pursue their dreams, they can go all the way out and disregard what people think. where did they get the courage from?
but what about me? what am i doing with my life? is this what i really wanna do? am i wasting my youth away here? i dont even know what i wanna do with my life.
im ashamed to say that, since sec4, forensics has been my goal. despite what everyone told me about the field, i just insisted. i changed course in tp, begged my dad to let me come to murdoch. but ultimately, do i really want it? or has the media portrayed forensics to be so cool that subconsciously, i ASSUMED that it was all i ever wanted to do.
maybe, its a you'll-never-know-till-you've-tried kinda thing. if so, do i have to spend 29374 years in uni doing every single course before i really find out what is the thing that i really want most?
i dont wanna be like J, or the old D that i know, switching from one job to the other, starting your own business and folding it after 6 months. you know what. i can totally see that happening to me. just look at my employment history. not a single job lasted for more than a year (fine, a year at most). and what about that manicure business? i stopped right after 2 customers. yea i kept saying that i'm too busy and all. am i really? or am i just plain lazy and not making the effort?
M says that he wants to get married by 27. which made me think, yea maybe getting married early is better. i dont have to worry so much about what to do with my life. i'll just live off my husband and then i can job-hop without worrying about supporting the family right?
but what if i meet with the same fate as J? what if i got a divorce and am stranded with 2 kids, with poor employment history and a lack of experience? who'll be willing to hire me? what am i gonna do to feed the kids?
bottom line is, what the hell should i do with my life?
on a lighter note. i really duno if i should have my 21st party ): i really wanna meet everyone i like but where am i gonna find the time? i only have like less than 2 mths ):
but i dont have the time to plan for the party either! stupid exams ): and i dont wanna do the hosting shit too ): and i duno what theme to use since now jade's thinking of doing casino royale too ))): arghhhhhhhhh
