fuck myself

i feel so fucked up now i just wanna rip myself apart. i have been living in self-denial for the past 15 years of my life. what crap dancer do i call myself? what fucking dream of being a top and versatile dancer. i can never achieve that with the limited ability i have in my fucked up body. I cannot even bear the pain and push my body to the limits. i have no stamina, no technique, no musicality, no groove of whatever sort, no determination. all those talk are plain bullshit. all those dreams are yes, merely dreams. i'm just wasting my time and money on props, lessons, shoes and clothes. who would wanna watch me dance on stage. im just a fucked up dancer wannabe.

im so ugly and fat. like a useless soul trapped in a mutated pig's body. i have fat thunder thighs, flabby arms, bulging stomach, a big protruding ass with stretchmarks all over it. the best part, i have no freaking boobs. its so gross i want to puke. i hate to look at myself in the mirror. and i hate to weigh myself on the weighing machine. i look disgusting in clothes and yes, i spend so much to hide those hideous stuff behind those expensive clothes. who am i to fake? neither exercising nor dieting helps in anyway. i hate it.

the face is no better and its filled with disgust. i guess i'm born ugly cos i'm a mean person. i think i belong to the world of nip tuck. i dont believe anyone when they say, "but i think you look so pretty". shut up. deep down i know you are lying to make myself feel better. i have eyes to judge for myself.

i'm a lousy person both inside and out. i hate myself. that's all. this is not like a emotional entry blabbering rubbish. i hate me i hate me i hate me.

i dont think im cut out for dance. i really wanna continue with contemporary, but i don't think i'll able to catch up. and hiphop? to follow the style, to detach my body and soul from latin american ballroom dancing. i felt so awkward and lousy at practice. bah.

ARGH I HATE IT HERE

fuck i cnt stand it anymore. i really dont see the point of us sticking tgt, serious.

the other day kelvin said to me, then dont. i was still like, nah i'll consider. but now, thats it. ive had enough. you obviously dont know me. i dont have a tolerance level as high as hers.



you're such a bitch.

i hate this place

school sucks. that explains my email add. not gon change it cos i still do.

cnt believe sooo much things happened ever since day 1. keep it up and i'll really die by month end.


so stay tuned to see if i do. btw, love yall. in case i die.