I HATE MYSELF

seriously i dont see the point of having a person like me on earth. depleting resources and a hindrance to others.


i fucking stupidly left my bloody phone at the restaurant in northbridge after dinenr just now. fuck and i only realised it when i got home an hr ago. whats pissing me off is that ive only had it for a month and now i have to continue paying 50 bucks per month for the bloody plan for the next 2 yrs, cos i cnt cancel. and the stupidest thing is, even if i pay the plan, i cnt fucking use it cos i have no phone bloody hell.

bread and cheese. 2 meals a day. for the next 2 yrs.






I HATE MYSELFFFFFFFFF



and search for a star was just disappointing. WHAT FUCKING DANCER DO I CALL MYSELF. even 1 hr before the actual performance, steps not familiar, costume not prepared, makeup and hair not done, whatever you can name it. the performance was just screwed. i cnt believe i wasted everyone's and my time trng for sth that sucked totally.


and the worst thing was, there wasnt anyone to give me support, to reassure me. just right before full dress rehearsal, charissa made me super emo. at that point of time, i really felt like walking out of the team, grab my phone and call jun/gek/emily and cry.

but i guess being in perth for 1 mth plus had alr made me used to the loneliness. ive seem to have forgotten how to smile genuinely or most of the time, im just not smiling at all. i cnt seem to cheer up no matter what, and just cnt open up and be friendly.

i didnt try to close the doors on anyone, in fact ive never opened up as much in my entire life. im trying sooooo hard, but everything just feels so different.



im probably still homesick la.






and bloody hell. i dont think i'll be sleeping from now on alr. no alarm to wake me up. unless i buy one soon. but i'd rather not sleep then buy one random alarm clock which will probably cost like 10 over bucks.


bloody screwed up me in a bloody screwed up place

cnt wait (:

whew. finally settled my air tickets. 410 aud )): but cheaper compared to kahang's. ahhah it was super tough man. what to do, poor students have to be real budget.

yay one more mth till im back home :D

man in the mirror

What's in a name? That which we call a rose
By any other name would smell as sweet.

treasure.

even though i constantly remind myself, i duno why i still keep making the same mistakes.

read some of my random old posts again. the good old days, but i dint treasure them.

i miss everything, but the past is all gone. i shd treasure what i have now, even though i dont feel so much for them. maybe, one day i will. when i look back at my old posts again and realise, shit i shd have treasured the time.



i miss yall so much ):

reminder to self *

never take a wrong step.


marry young = end up poor = twisted personality

fail exam = no honours = byebye hsa = end up poor = miserable life