fionagoh is an asshole

hahah i've recovered woohoo :D

thanks tonberry for giving in to me when i cnt talk/walk and everyone who looked after me or wished me speedy recovery. thanks man (:

xmas was kinda fun. ahhaha thanks to gek's luck, cos she won first prize at tp alumni night's lucky draw. one night stay at the goodwood park ((:

gift exchange and drinking session. then HTHT (LOL) till morning. really love tonberry. cnt imagine life without them.

meeting emily dear tmr (: yay i cnt freaking wait ahahaha. we both have so lil money that if we were to combine our fortunes, we can count with 2 hands.

kbox with carmen and cyn on tue. then woonyah for dinner (: yayyyyy

okay now that ive recovered, this is the list of people i have to meet:

anna + winnie

jenny

sharlene

jibin / og16

7 princess + lloyd

406

jeremy

su

adeline

maddy / mon / grace

suds

adryll

christa / keith / janet MSIA ROAD TRIP (:

serena goh guizhen

weishan

very very sick

i almost got hospitalised ):

doctor said if i had gone to see her like a lil later, my tonsilitis would have been too serious for the usual antibiotics ):

sigh im soooo hungry. my last meal was monday lunch ): dint eat the whole of tue cos i had a 40.6 deg fever ): personal record. sigh. whenever i put something into my mouth i'd throw up.

and just now i tried to have a bowl of campbell soup but halfway through i alr felt like puking. its been like 5 hrs alr and i still feel like vomitting la ): sheesh but im so so hungry ):

tonsilitis go away soon pls. im starved.

bloody thermodynamics.

oh boyfriend. why do you have to treat me like that? i spent every single waking moment with you for the past 2 weeks (okay maybe except when im youtubing/blogging/facebooking/eating/showering/shitting.. you geddit, personal time). even more than i did for the entire 5 months i've been with you.

ive been so faithful to you, neglecting my other boyfriend and only loving (trying to) you. but why did you have to ditch me at the point when i needed you the most? damn you.

you 'd disappointed me so much. you gave me hopes so high and then WHAM! BAM! you're down and out. for the whole 3 hours, i dint know what to do at all. i was like crap, should i just walk out or sit here and try to work things out and salvage our relationship.

okay fine i admit i hadnt been a very great girlfriend and cheated on you most of the time. but shit you. you had to break up with me at the critical moment.



im sorry i failed you mr pec201 ): please give me a D, pretty please? well im actually just fine with a credit :X

jinxed.

anw i realised what a jinxed life i have.

everytime i reject/dump a guy, they find someone better X10000

fuck, its like that movie good luck chuck, where the guy is jinxed, and every woman who had sex with him will find true love. forgot the movie title anw.

hahah yea that im just like that guy. minus the sex part. J, T, J, F and Y. statistically proven. fml.


and i'll never look at yoga lin the same way ever again ):

wake up

su is damn funny. she drinks 3 tablets of redoxon per day. ahaha overdose to the max.


anw thank god for her. i kinda spent the night at her place cos i really couldnt stand being alone in my empty room. i just couldnt calm down and stop being mad. my chemical romance was on replay the whole time ): bloody waste of my time when i could have studied for thermo ): angry for nothing, sighs.

its quite a blessing that i found someone whom i can talk to alot in perth. other than carmen. hah. its actually quite weird la.


and i guess, they will be the last people that i will really confide in. i'll take gwen's advice and not put my heart in a friendship so soon anymore. call it a protective wall maybe, but i dont want the same thing to happen again. i will not trust anymore.

'cept for favourite people (: you know who you are hahaha! i tagged yall in my write love on her arms day profile pic. charles, you're included too, but you dont have fb :P


btw write love on her arms day is like an international fight depression and suicide day. you write love on your arm so that you dont slice your wrist, sth like that? hahah.


yay study time. 1 more day till thermo, aka first F in my uni life day T.T pray for me please ):

d100

ahem. christmas coming, and this is nice and cheap heh (: *HINT HINT*

leonid meteor shower 2009

OMFG

it was awesome!! okay not that awesome. partially because im sua ku, never see meteor shower before. but it was magnificent that clusters of stars just move in front of your eyes. i say move cos they dont go shooosh like you'd expect them to. hahaha this are probably slow moving meteors. but it was cool and soothing... watching them drift across the (very cloudy) sky.

haha yea the only regret is that it's too cloudy, and too short. sigh.


if only my favourite people were there to watch it with me :D

this is damn funny

carmen cynthia ashlee julie alex mia&bf michelle and i were supposed to go to campus to watch the meteor shower tonight (er morning) so we arranged to meet at the admin building at 1.15.

when we reached there, we noticed that it was super cloudy. so we were wondering should we go ahead with our plan cos if its cloudy, we wont be able to see anything. but bloody hell, its once every 33 yrs.

so as we were discussing, mia's bf said to us take shelter, its drizzling. then we were like shit, but still skeptical :X so we stood outside, wanting to feel the drizzle ourselves. then alex decided that we should go back, but julie carmen and i were still stubborn.

alex: go back! its raining!
julie carmen and i: *rooted to the ground*
-starts to pour-
julie carmen and i: arghhhhhh
-everyone runs in different directions-


colin: thats why they call it the meteor SHOWER lol

-.-


pray hard for the clouds to clear!

thank god for you (:

because you give your heart and trust to people too fast. so you hurt more. but i tell you. there's a lesson to learn.

firstly you give your heart away too fast but you're too trusting, holding everything so close to your heart so quickly. must learn how to protect yourself. secondly must learn to kan de kai fang de xia. many friendships come and go, its a fact of life. the sooner you come to terms with it, the less hurt you will be.

ignorance is not always bliss. pain, coz you don't understand. so think it out, with the intention of understanding it. i tell you, as people get older and more experienced they get more jaded, because they get burned and hurt, because life is cruel and people are inherently selfish. there will be very few friends who will stick by you forever who will keep giving to you and loving you through all the phases of your life. but if you insist on being ignorant and not protecting yourself, you will keep hurting and you only have yourself to blame when you grasp what friendships really are in the real world. you will learn to cope and enjoy what you have while letting go things that aren't meant to be because if you keep hurting, who will suffer? not the one who wronged you, not the friend who left you, not the friend who betrayed you, not the boyfriend who cheated on you, not the girl who gossiped about you. they dun give a shit. if you keep hurting, keep thinking about the pain, keep on NOT SLEEPING, who are you hurting? yourself. dun be so silly, let things go. you will be happy. you need to take care of yourself.

do you know we constantly worry for you. we're always discussing abt you, always trying to find a solution, always trying to figure you out and help you. when i see C*, other than a little mutual teasing and smiles, the first name we mention is always sheena. why? because we care for you, and when you hurt, we hurt on your behalf. we worry when you don't sleep. i feel sleepy for you. i want to sleep for you, also cannot you know. so please, we care so much, we want to help, but our power is limited. becasue it is your life, your mind. we can't help you.

its all up to you to be strong and to learn to let it go, to mature and learn life's most painful lessons. my life hasn't been perfect, and there have been many painful lessons i had to learn, some which you will never even experience, but i don't complain. i don't hurt anymore because life is too short to be hung up on these things. i work towards being happy for myself and for the people around me, so that i can be strong when bad things happen. and so that i can be strong on the behalf of my friends when they need me.

please be happy and i know its never easy to walk away from these things, but you have to be. you have to be stronger can? for me? and most impt for yourself. because you deserve to be happy. okay ? =)

love you la ah ger, G*




darling, i know it is impossible for you to stop being upset right at this moment but you gotta try. pal i cant wait for you to come back home. do come stay over at my place or maybe yours so that we can have a ♥ to ♥ talk. for the time being, please do be strong and i am here for you. anything call or email me. i love you. and i hope you will get over it soon. xoxo Y*.



thanks sweethearts (: you guys made me tear (':

):

the longer i stay here, the more i know.

i cnt help but feel so hurt. i tried to be pissed but no, i feel sad more than angry. how is this possible?


13 more days. im sick of all the unhappiness.

i just wanna be happy. is that too much to ask for?

bye, (hello) kitty?

argh shit, i wanna go to the hello kitty 35th anniversary thing but by the time my plane lands, it'll be over. sigh.


anyone going there, pls take more pictures and buy back some souvenirs yea :D

suicide much

i feel terrible. physically. i duno whats wrong with my body but it feels so bad that i wanna die.

so i stared at my pen knife for 15 minutes, and wondered what its like to slide the blade across my wrist. ironically, the love words are still on my arm.

i couldnt care less. what show-your-love-and-fight-depression shit. all i know is i felt so light headed and was on the verge of fainting. and no, i wasnt standing up. weirdly enough. and i swear i slept, so it wasnt fatigue. it just felt horrible, torturous. i wished it would end.

so i picked up the penknife, pushed the blade up and positioned it across my wrist. then in my mind, i pictured the blood flowing out.

which is kinda a good thing because my fear of blood made me faint right on the table. or maybe its cos of whatever's happening to my body.



but waking up, i still feel like crap now. i wanna puke but nth's coming out (no, im not bullimic) and i feel like fainting again but im not. what is wrong with this fucked up body ):

suicide, epic fail -.-

17 more days

wheeeeee countdown to home-sweet-home (:

which means 10 more days to exams. damnit. and im only 10% done ahhaha. gogogo study!



missing everyone <3

new skin (:

whew. finally got a new blogskin and me stupidly went to reset my entire layout. dumb assss. i spent like 2 whole days getting it done. sigh. and now all my previous links are gone.

okay im really happy with it now ahha so if nth goes wrong, i'll just stay with this till this blog dies.


oh well. study time :D

randomness

sheesh, sth's wrong with the picture. haha will fix it soon.

1 more month till im back (: woohooooo.

till then (:

crazy me.

hahah im totally bored. and uber high.

alone in my room. weird cos im feeling so lonely, staring at the 4 walls and blog-hopping, facebooking. but im just cnt sit still la. hahah.


okay its because i've not slept for like 2 days alr, and im not on coffee! only green tea la, thats prolly why. and i keep feeling VERY hungry. sighs. im so dead.

ive been like stuck on my assignment since ytd 5pm. bloody difficult. and this time i really wasnt distracted okay.




ayy, i miss emily so much!! and gek too )): spent one whole day with jun thats why dont miss her as much lol. hahah and FIONAGOHPOOPOO.


jiayoujiayou 1 more mth ((: WAIT FOR ME :D

bangkok with loi anna yane jaz and winnie pretty please?

the carrot, the egg, and the coffee bean

here's an old elf story. (sounds wrong la, but nvm)


A daughter complained to her father about her life and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up. She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed as one problem was solved a new one arose.

Her father, a chef, took her to the kitchen. He filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire. Soon the pots came to a boil. In one he placed carrots, in the second he placed eggs, and the last he placed ground coffee beans. He let them sit and boil, without saying a word.

The daughter sucked her teeth and impatiently waited, wondering what he was doing. In about twenty minutes he turned off the burners. He fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. He pulled the eggs out and placed them a bowl. Then he ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl.

Turning to her he asked. "Darling, what do you see?"

"Carrots, eggs, and coffee," she replied.

He brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they were soft. He then asked her to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell,
she observed the hard-boiled egg. Finally, he asked her to sip the coffee. She smiled as she tasted it and
smelled its rich aroma.

She humbly asked. "What does it mean Father?" He explained that each of them had faced the same adversity, boiling water, but each reacted differently. The carrot went in strong, hard, and unrelenting. But after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak. The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior. But after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened.

The ground coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling water, they had changed the water.

"Which are you?" he asked his daughter. "When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg, or a coffee bean?"

"Are you the carrot that seems hard, but with pain and adversity do you wilt and become soft and lose your strength?"

"Are you the egg, which starts off with a malleable heart? Were you a fluid spirit, but after a death, a breakup, a divorce, or a layoff will you become hardened and stiff. Your shell would still look the same, but inside you would be tough with a stiff spirit and heart?"

"Or are you like the coffee bean? The coffee bean keeps its integrity but changes the hot water, the thing that is bringing the pain. When the water gets the hottest, it just tastes better. Are you like the bean, when things are at their worst, you get better and make things better around you?"

How do you handle adversity? Are you a carrot, an egg, or a coffee bean?





damnit. i wish im like the coffee bean.



emo. pissed. and i shdnt be blogging. lets hope that my mood will lighten up.

off to mug.

I HATE MYSELF

seriously i dont see the point of having a person like me on earth. depleting resources and a hindrance to others.


i fucking stupidly left my bloody phone at the restaurant in northbridge after dinenr just now. fuck and i only realised it when i got home an hr ago. whats pissing me off is that ive only had it for a month and now i have to continue paying 50 bucks per month for the bloody plan for the next 2 yrs, cos i cnt cancel. and the stupidest thing is, even if i pay the plan, i cnt fucking use it cos i have no phone bloody hell.

bread and cheese. 2 meals a day. for the next 2 yrs.






I HATE MYSELFFFFFFFFF



and search for a star was just disappointing. WHAT FUCKING DANCER DO I CALL MYSELF. even 1 hr before the actual performance, steps not familiar, costume not prepared, makeup and hair not done, whatever you can name it. the performance was just screwed. i cnt believe i wasted everyone's and my time trng for sth that sucked totally.


and the worst thing was, there wasnt anyone to give me support, to reassure me. just right before full dress rehearsal, charissa made me super emo. at that point of time, i really felt like walking out of the team, grab my phone and call jun/gek/emily and cry.

but i guess being in perth for 1 mth plus had alr made me used to the loneliness. ive seem to have forgotten how to smile genuinely or most of the time, im just not smiling at all. i cnt seem to cheer up no matter what, and just cnt open up and be friendly.

i didnt try to close the doors on anyone, in fact ive never opened up as much in my entire life. im trying sooooo hard, but everything just feels so different.



im probably still homesick la.






and bloody hell. i dont think i'll be sleeping from now on alr. no alarm to wake me up. unless i buy one soon. but i'd rather not sleep then buy one random alarm clock which will probably cost like 10 over bucks.


bloody screwed up me in a bloody screwed up place

cnt wait (:

whew. finally settled my air tickets. 410 aud )): but cheaper compared to kahang's. ahhah it was super tough man. what to do, poor students have to be real budget.

yay one more mth till im back home :D

man in the mirror

What's in a name? That which we call a rose
By any other name would smell as sweet.

treasure.

even though i constantly remind myself, i duno why i still keep making the same mistakes.

read some of my random old posts again. the good old days, but i dint treasure them.

i miss everything, but the past is all gone. i shd treasure what i have now, even though i dont feel so much for them. maybe, one day i will. when i look back at my old posts again and realise, shit i shd have treasured the time.



i miss yall so much ):

reminder to self *

never take a wrong step.


marry young = end up poor = twisted personality

fail exam = no honours = byebye hsa = end up poor = miserable life

fuck myself

i feel so fucked up now i just wanna rip myself apart. i have been living in self-denial for the past 15 years of my life. what crap dancer do i call myself? what fucking dream of being a top and versatile dancer. i can never achieve that with the limited ability i have in my fucked up body. I cannot even bear the pain and push my body to the limits. i have no stamina, no technique, no musicality, no groove of whatever sort, no determination. all those talk are plain bullshit. all those dreams are yes, merely dreams. i'm just wasting my time and money on props, lessons, shoes and clothes. who would wanna watch me dance on stage. im just a fucked up dancer wannabe.

im so ugly and fat. like a useless soul trapped in a mutated pig's body. i have fat thunder thighs, flabby arms, bulging stomach, a big protruding ass with stretchmarks all over it. the best part, i have no freaking boobs. its so gross i want to puke. i hate to look at myself in the mirror. and i hate to weigh myself on the weighing machine. i look disgusting in clothes and yes, i spend so much to hide those hideous stuff behind those expensive clothes. who am i to fake? neither exercising nor dieting helps in anyway. i hate it.

the face is no better and its filled with disgust. i guess i'm born ugly cos i'm a mean person. i think i belong to the world of nip tuck. i dont believe anyone when they say, "but i think you look so pretty". shut up. deep down i know you are lying to make myself feel better. i have eyes to judge for myself.

i'm a lousy person both inside and out. i hate myself. that's all. this is not like a emotional entry blabbering rubbish. i hate me i hate me i hate me.

i dont think im cut out for dance. i really wanna continue with contemporary, but i don't think i'll able to catch up. and hiphop? to follow the style, to detach my body and soul from latin american ballroom dancing. i felt so awkward and lousy at practice. bah.

ARGH I HATE IT HERE

fuck i cnt stand it anymore. i really dont see the point of us sticking tgt, serious.

the other day kelvin said to me, then dont. i was still like, nah i'll consider. but now, thats it. ive had enough. you obviously dont know me. i dont have a tolerance level as high as hers.



you're such a bitch.

i hate this place

school sucks. that explains my email add. not gon change it cos i still do.

cnt believe sooo much things happened ever since day 1. keep it up and i'll really die by month end.


so stay tuned to see if i do. btw, love yall. in case i die.

cold feet

whee. bought luggage and finally borrowed the jacket from charles.

so im left with thermal wear and daily necessities i guess. groans. not to mention the packing. oh and electrical appliances? ):


les and peanut left for commando this morn. aw, couldnt attend the farewell dinner ytd. sorry! anw hope that they both dont faint in camp. guess i can only see them in dec. oh wells. theres always msn and skype.


busy busy! the past 2 weeks, met up with emily, mich, woonyah, jun, tonberry, mengyun, cuzzies, 7princesses, charles, jm and weini. meeting the og clique, von, anna yane winnie loi hamham, weiting ellen, mon maddy grace, and the freshies soon! aw shucks. i'll fucking miss them all ):



i guess ive found the cause of my frequent migraines. went to the doc's the other day cos i was so freaking paranoid abt it, thought it was meningitis or sth. hhaha she agreed that i was. paranoid, i mean. then she asked if i was depressed or stressed. and i said no. so she gave me some medication and sure enough, my migraines stopped.

but ytd, it came back! because i started fretting over the major and minor modules once kahang called. conclusion: the cause of the migraines is worrying )): which is somewhat stress i guess. because i have a different defination of stress altogether. thats why i used to say that ive never encoutered stress in my entire life. only worrying, pekcek-ness and lack of time. yea which sooooooo doesnt spell stress.



okay okay alot to do. tuition in 30mins time. better get going. shall update again :D

FAT

june is a gain-weight month. so many birthdays / farewell meetups. my weight is inversely proportionate to my wallet now ):

speaking of birthdays. the dumb things that ppl do when they're drunk. tsk tsk.



glad that our 88 bucks was appreciated (:



went out with emily on thur. oh man i realised our thinkings are very similar. another alike point.

anw meeting with tiny michelle soon :D hahah that suayster kena quarantined. hopefully she'll be able to join emily and i for kbox :D



[edit] oh my god this is freakayyy. i went to emily's blog after blogging and she was just saying the same thing as me hahaha. abt being alike. oh man. [/edit]

grow, hair, grow.

yay visa done. next stop: buy luggage!

hey there stop laughing at me

i duno why ppl like charles and xl have to keep suaning me abt watching disney channel. gek does it too!

i dont find it chilidish at all. i mean, programmes like cory in the house, the suite life, waverly place and hannah montana are perfectly fine sitcoms which i think no other sitcoms can beat them, period.

and, dcoms like hatching pete, camp rock, high school musical and jump in are great movies that really teach us values that most of the time, slip out minds due to our hectic lives or we usually neglect them because we're so full of ourselves. and i still insist its technology's fault, this explains why.

(digressing abit, technology does suck because i duno what on earth happened to our irritating wireless. if i get a dollar for every curse fiona and i utter, i'll be able to buy a mini cooper s. make that a blue one.)

not forgetting movies like meet the robinsons, finding nemo, ratatoullie (i think its spelt this way right, wireless gone mad, cnt google) and chicken little too. no doubt they are cartoons that ppl usually say wahlao waste money go cinema watch cartoon, they really teach us alot of stuff. true, they're more for kids who need the teaching, but dont deny that some of us grown ups need to be taught these values too!

anw, i watched minutemen ytd and it really taught me alot of things.the ppl ard me shd know that i am forever regretting this and that. and if i had a super power, it'll be time travel. perhaps the biggest mistake in my life is not staying in sajc. but after watching minutemen, i finally learnt to look on the bright side. if i had never left sajc, if i had never entered tp, if i had never joined iguides, i'd never have gotten to know the bestest friends i got to know in poly.

hanjun . emily . serena . tonberry . 7 princesses . pst clique . love yall <3

不在乎天长地久， 只在乎曾经拥有。



at times when i feel dejected or lost and the world seems to come tumbling down on me, a disney channel movie can remind me of my goals and get me up on my feet. when im feeling pessimistic or super emo, a disney channel sitcom can throw all my worries away like a throw cushion and set me rolling on the floor laughing till bedtime. thats why i dont mind staying up till 12.30am just to catch jason dolley jamming in the white house (:



so YOU! stop critising me and my channel 33. pass me the remote btw thanks.

keep moving foward.

一颗诡计多端的心

wahlao whatever la. dont think i dont know your motive.



loser

a dream is a wish your heart makes. NOT.

i had a nightmare ):


nothing new, but this one was particularly disturbing. because it could cost me a whooping sgd 200k and 4 yrs of my youth. damn it.

i'd dreamt that everyone was telling me how unsuitable forensics and criminology is for me and that i should be in screen and sound instead, since ive alr gotten into murdoch. like even that random manicurist in my dream! gosh. it woke me up and i rushed to switch on my com and scan through murdoch websites to check for loopholes hahah. so that i can kinda minor in screen and sound or sth.


ive been having these kinda dreams lately. as in i end up dreaming abt my worries. the day before, i was just printing out all the modular stuff cos my dad was forcing me to clear my books. so i had to see the modules that i'd be taking in order for me to obey him. then i started to get worried cos the modules all kinda suck for criminology. then again, kahang switched courses because she dint wanna do the molecular stuff for forensics, and me neither. so i started worrying.

which triggered the dream.



anyways my hypothesis is: i'll probably end up in screen and sound instead of forensics and criminology.

evidence 1
the day before the start of kids fiesta, i was worrying abt ppl from dance seeing jun and i. and i dreamt that alice saw us that night! true enough, the next day, edwin saw us at causeway point ):

evidence 2
the day before grad convo, i was worrying that i'd trip and fall and every other thing that can go wrong. so i dreamt that the freaking convo started 2 hours earlier and the parents all hadnt came so its was just us graduands -.- aannnddd i almost tripped and fell the next day while going back to my seat from the stage ):

results:
1. i worry
2. i dream
3. it comes true

so conclusion, yea my hypothesis will prolly come true.



you can argue that its psychological (i kinda agree, will explain later) but how do you explain the appearance of edwin! huh huh huh!


i agree that its psychological because:
1. i was thinking of the dream i had during convo so thats prolly why i almost tripped and fell
2. i was watching food boy on disney channel last night before sleep and watching the credits made me go aww if only im on the credits roll

(shit i realise that i keep talking in point form nowadays. even when im talking to tonberry or jun. sheeesh im turning into a report. look what tp's done to me.)


oh speaking oh the credits roll, there were some very funny stuff i saw.

mustard viscosity (there was hell load of mustard in that show) - a couple of guys with no idea

food fight cleanup - pretty much everyone on set



so i emailed the admission office regarding my concern. and this is what i get.

Thanks for your email. The Prospective Students & Admissions Office is currently moving location. Please expect a delay with replies to your messages. We thank you for your patience.

The Admissions Team




thanks alot.



if only i can get the best of both worlds ):

hostel hostel

the hostel thing is killing me. im feeling so stressed up because of the time constraint. so much to do in 2 days ):

im like having nightmares everyday and at some point of time, i even felt like giving up the hostel and just rent an apartment somewhere outside. or even give up going to the july intake ):



and my wisdom tooth just popped out ytd, and it almost killed me. but by ytd night, i couldnt talk or drink. even swallowing saliva hurts like mad. so i called the dentist today and the very irritating receptionist asked me to go down tmr and wait, for like the whole day lor.

and ive only drank like milo and sugary stuff and ate very soft dumplings that literally melt in your mouth for the entire day. damn hungry cos im not your average think-thin girl. *stomach rumbles* groans.



things to settle:
1. FLIGHT
2. HOSTEL
3. TAKE PASSPORT SIZE PHOTOS
4.
5.
6.
7.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.


arghhhhh im going mad

zipia omg pls load will ya

urgh im damn bloody pissed with zipia seriously its taking ages to load and its been like 2 hours but ive only shopped the first page can you imagine. and the freaking spree is closing in like 3 minutes time ):


okay, partially my fault for being so last minute. i think i need anger management classes.

haha cos the other day when i was on a cab the uncle asked me if i have patience. what a weird way to start a conversation. but anw i was a tad ashamed to answer him hahha.



and.. ive gotten an offer for the hostel at murdoch. but still no uni letter, so im still fretting over the forms because i totally have no idea what to fill in for like, every single blank. plus its bloody expensive i tell you. i really hope that going aussie is the right thing to do.


okay i give up on this spree. my poor wireless is still trying very hard to load zipia and i think the refresh button on my keyboard needs a rest too. oh wells, gotta wait for the next spree.

boo headache ):

i tell you. i was seriously going to start blogging but then this great wave of madness hit me. yes its called the HEADACHE which i duno why ppl like bel and i seem to get it alot alot.


so ive decided to go down and book the freaking bbq pit which i still haven did (procastinator), then hopefully i'll be able to blog again.


note to self:
1. taiwan
2. sailing
3. ying's bday



later.

stereotype, not.

damn. im suspecting rheumatism ): my knee is aching like shit now i just wanna hack it off ):

whats the point of religiously consuming glucosamine + vit c + vitasoy every morning when its not working?!?! dont tell me i deserved it. i know i know, ive started regretting it when i couldnt dance. darn me. darn knee.



i wanna say, im not a stereotyper. the following explains why:

while i was going back home from bayshore, i saw a bunch of VS guys. cute VS guys to be exact. sec 4, but they look like typical TP eyecandies omg. thats how mature they appear to be. which is a shocking thing.

and i swear my entire fortune that I AM NOT PAEDOPHILIC okay. i was noticing them because:
1) it wasnt the first time i saw them hanging ard bayshore.
2) they totally look like 18.
3) the only impressions i have of VS guys were derived from the only ppl i know from there, namely:
a. edmund, and
b. shaun from sajc

edmund is very studious, and to a small extent, nerd. but still, he's cute (minus the shyness) plus smart plus bespectacled (: my type! too bad he's been a lil brother since young. our families kinda grew up together, and ive been trying to matchmake him to fiona and meixuan since forever. and then seeing him being separated from his elder bro, i felt the need to take up the role of a jiejie, protect him, give him advice and support. yes, thats how cute he is that you just wanna protect him from the treacherous pool of desperados in jc, aka convent girls.

shaun is just.. weird. hahaha nerd and weird.

yup, that kinda sums up my impressions of VS guys. yes, call me a stereotyper then, but read on.


anw, back to those VS guys at bayshore. they boarded 31 too, and forgive me but i just kept staring at them! argh. the point is, they started talking abt knocking girls up when they go to jc. wth?!? kids these days.

but when we were reaching bedok int, they changed topics to school work. hahah and boy, they were worse than ppl from pst. they. are. freaking. competitive. yes, worse than HER or HER or HER. (wait a second, i just realised that competitive pst ppl are all GIRLS)

which proves my point abt stereotyping. yes i did have that perception, but it only proved me right (:



on a lighter note. im going sailing tmr! woohoo but im not done packing yet. omg im excited!



and, we're going to celebrate ying's bday next week! my god, fun awaits me! but first, money pls roll in (:

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insomnia again

its official. im schooless ):


happy start of school people!





insomnia again! god. help me ):

gone

like i said

new (:

OMG THE NEW TEMPLATE IS FINALLY DONE ((:

i hate html darn


off to sleep (:

jessica (:

happy birthday babe!

grad ceremony ):

graduation. i really dont feel like going. but jun's grad session is right after mine.


i think i really suck as a friend. she dint feel anything. anything at all. you know what, i think she doesnt care at all.

ah wells. we'll see. maybe the babes will change their mind abt going to the ceremony.

and you never know how much ive been ard.

its weird how we go from strangers to being friends to being more than friends to be being practically strangers again.

and it all happened so fast.

meeting you was fate, becoming your friend was a choice, ending our friendship was beyond my control.

friendship: a building contract you sign with laughter and break with tears.

i hate you

this is so sick.

in case you're wondering, i mean the world.

why on earth is it that ppl from schools like rj get in colleges like imperia harvard princeton and cambridge while ppl who chose to enter polytechnics (such as TEMASEK) can only settle for sim mdis or worse, UNI-LESS like me.

and we'll have to settle for "poly-pay" or so the uni grads call it. thanks a lot.

went to the cemetery ytd for a day tour. i mean it. 

0400 - mummy's grave with relatives from mummy's side

0800 - uncle big ben's grave

1600 - ah gong's grave with relatives from daddy's side

1700 - mummy's grave (again)

1800 - 2nd auntie's grave

and while paying respects to 2nd auntie, we saw sylvia and gary's family. hahahah they were going to my mum's grave. omg, my mum must be real full after everyone's offerings, 3 times you know!

anw, everyone started asking me about uni. sheesh i dont see johnny or bernard having that sorta problems. god knows johnny's already secured a place at nus engineering, while bernard'd probably applied for medicine. damn it. so im the useless one in the family.

its like jae all over again ): for so long, ive been considering fashion journalism but hearing from jun really makes me think twice. i know i might have mentioned this somewhere sometime, but i really dont wanna regret again. uni is 10000X more expensive. like chengy, i'll most probably study only once.

unless god's kind enough to grant me a rich husband, that is.

anw, im not really pinning my hopes on local uni. i'll most probably only get a rejection letter. mdis and sim are totally out on my list. dont get me wrong, gek and i'd seriously considered that. but after going to their open houses and talking to experts like weishan and les, yea. they're out.

my god.

and byebye aussie, because:

1. anything lower than a second upper class honours = laboratory officer at hsa, which means i can like go and freaking sign on now with my diploma. but oh, i'll be getting POLY PAY la.

2. to get anything higher than a second upper class honours = cap/gpa of 4.0 (upon 5.0) now you tell me how the hell is my retarded puny brain gonna make it?

3. this sucks. i cnt believe you actually said that. you think ps is enough to make up for my emotional scar? you were the person who gave me the hopes for entering uni. you gave me another choice. you made me persuade my dad who is now trying to sell the freaking apartment so that i can go and study. you told me we could stay together and be roomies. you made me miss the chance to enrol into other unis. you made me give up my job prospects because i thought we were going in june. 

im not angry, im just freaking hurt. 

when you asked me to go with you, did you mean it, or was it cos you just wanted someone to go with you, because she abandoned you? 

and now, you abandoned me.

i tried to forget that previous incident. it was hurtful, no doubt. it was so hurtful that i had to live on air literally for 2 months. it was so hurtful that i dint want to have anything to do with you. 

it was hurtful, but i did forget it. on the account of the projects we did together, and how it brought us closer. i swear you were my best friend in pst, even though all you treated me was only a good friend. i was fine with it, i dint care for more. good friend, so be it. i have tonnes of good friends, i dont mind being another. because i knew we were going to be roomies, and there would be loads of chances for us to become closer. a physical misunderstanding shdnt matter, right?

but you just had to go and do this! why, why did you have to abandon me?

i hate you. i really hate you. i hate you so much it disgusts me to even say your name. i hate you so much that i wanna delete your name off my phonebook and msn list a billion times.

fuck, how mean can you get? its like breaking up with someone over msn! without a proper lets break up or reason or even a proper media! verbally, in person, would be much preferred, in case you havent notice.

i get it. i understand now when you're having such karma with relationships. im not trying to curse you or anything. its just something you told me before. its because you're so mean with breakups that you're getting a taste of your own medicine. now that you did this to me, you'll get it.

to you: beware. she did this to me. likewise, she can do the same to you someday. 

jun where are you? i need you ):

m i s s i n g *

forgive me for turning into a housewife.

ahahah i need a job!!

anw, microsoft office done! miraculously. i think my laptop likes weekiat.

mahjong ytd was funny! we got drunk on jolly shandy lol.

was looking for something i typed a year ago, but i ended up reading a few of my random posts waaaayyy back.

and i realised. its been what, 3 years, since ive left. and ive never forgotten that place, the people especially. everytime i go to or pass by that place, the memories will come flooding back. and a part of me will hope that everything will resume back. no matter how much i know that its impossible.

i miss yall ):

the only way now is to get in nus. but hell, that'll really take a miracle.

pls pls pls accept me ):

serena my love :D

babe. thanks for the treat!

haha watched he's just not that into you. long overdue! hahaha. dear girl treated me to dinner cos i was seriously b.r.o.k.e. hahaha i dint even have money to take a bus. anw took train to yishun with her afterwards. fun fun! we shd do this more often :D

anw im up so early (since 8am!) because... (drum roll please)

I HAD INSOMNIA! ): i bet i'll the last person to ever suffer from that ):

really, was just tossing and turning in bed the whole night! my god. i wished i had insomnia during my mp period and it dint come. now my mp's over, im really having it. sheesh.

thats why they say be careful of what you wish for ):

anw, im still missing club med. my god. if i'd money i'll go back there soon. hahah hopefully before my membership ends ):

alrights, off to the supermarket and school. then to jessy's and jun's. whew, busy morning.

later :D

shit you

my goodness.

i thought the money grubber was bad.

you're actually the biggest liar of all.

i swear. for as long as i can survive this. i'll never contact you ever again. i'll just pretend like i never knew you. who cares, i dont need another liar in my life.

boohooohoohooohooo

OH MY GOD.

i just did the cleverest thing on earth.

I DIDNT SUBMIT MY PHOTO AND APPRAISAL FOR NTU ))):

damn me. byebye ntu application ))):

and the damn bloody hairdresser made me wear a wig )): shit 190 bucks )): damn it i should just stay at home till my hair grows out of it )): yea that'd probably take 5 years. good enough.

amazing race was not as good as i expected it to be. kinda like iguides. 1st yr was good. 2nd yr was okay. 3rd yr was just bad la.

yea maybe next time i shd just join everything during my 1st yr and mug my ass off afterwards.

anw sth's very wrong with my laptop. yes i finally got a new one ):

the problem is. ive been installing microsoft office over and over again but everytime i switch off my com i have to re-install it. like wth. is the 937174783rd time ive been doing it la ass. i think my hard disk is filled with that alr )):

omg i can go slit my wrist alr.

1. im jobless

2. im school-ess

3. im mircosoft-less

4. i look like im wearing a wig

5. im fat

okay nvm the last one. point is, no job = no money = no overseas since local cnt get in anw. even private uni = $$$

thats why money's so impt.

and you ought to be ashamed of yourself! a rich bitch cheating a poor scholar of her education fund. 200 bucks mind. karma i tell you. just you wait.

great story. another one to add to the collection of the great author prince mato. yes maybe i should get it published and use the earnings to go study. hahhah.

and so i shall now quit dreaming and get down to writing the best story in a million centuries - the story of a rich fraud bitch and the poor scholar who believed her.

but first, lemmi get the microsoft word installed first -.-

last day of sip

can you believe it?

5 months. gone. and we've been looking forward to it so much. we'd thought that this day would never come.

still, 23 jan. its here. 

mixed feelings. i thought i'd be happy that its finally over. now i feel kinda reluctant to leave. sheesh, its the post-event depression again. i hate this, i duno why am i the only one feeling it this way.

i dont miss the work, i dont miss the waking up and travelling. i think most of all, i miss the bunch of crazy peeps, tp or np, who spiced up the 5 mths.

fixers, 3 hrs lunch, laughing at supervisors behind their backs. i'll miss them all.

but i think the most impt reason for keeping me from jumping for joy is the uncertainty.

will i be able to complete my mp? will i get good grades? will i get into uni?

everyone started discussing abt uni all of a sudden. i duno why but i just dint have the mood to do so.

i lost my laptop. which means mp has gotta be retyped from scratch. well done me.

the heavy heart even made me not interested in phuture. when they told me that it was full house, i was just like, oh wells. i just need a sleep and think through stuff. maybe wake up and not feeling so depressed. 

maybe this goodbye is a preview of end-of-poly. 5 mths and im like that alr. what will i become of if its the 3 yrs i had hated so much.

i dont understand myself. the older i grow to be, the more complicated my thoughts seem to evolve. 

the past week made me realise quite a few facts. and the above paragraph was one of the most overwhelming fact.

which made me feel like blogging. or else i wouldnt even have bothered.

i duno, maybe i just shdnt post any of my entries, since blogs have become so commercialised and fake. msn, sms as well. i think technology has changed us all. which explains why i just repel it.

i mean it. one day i'll escape to somewhere secluded where technology cnt reach me. the world is just too noisy.

forgive me for the over-pessimistic post. oh who am i kidding? im just talking to myself again, thats what i meant by technology driving me crazy.

i miss my laptop ):