- My Immortal

My Immortal by Evanescence
I'm so tired of being here,
Suppressed by all my childish fears.
And if you have to leave,
I wish that you would just leave.
Because your presence still lingers here,
And it wont leave me alone.

These wounds won't seem to heal,
This pain is just too real.
There's just too much that time cannot erase.

When you'd cried i'd, wipe away all of your tears,
When you'd scream i'd, fight away all of your fears.
And i've held your hand through all of these years,
But you still have all of me.

You used to captivate me,
By your resonating light.
Now i'm bound by the life you left behind.
Your face it haunts, my once pleasant dreams.
Your voice it chased away, all the sanity in me.

These wounds wont seem to heal,
This pain is just too real,
There's just too much that time cannot erase.

When you'd cried i'd, wipe away all of your tears,
When you'd scream i'd, fight away all of your fears.
And i've held your hand through all of these years,
But you still have all of me.

I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone,
But though you're still with me,
I've been alone all along.

When you'd cried i'd, wipe away all of your tears,
When you'd scream i'd, fight away all of your fears.
And i've held your hand through all of these years,
But you still have all of me.

*rub eyes

i'm finally blogging.

dance audition
im useless, okay? i cnt even get in dance! and i call myself a dancer? fuck. i accept it if i dont get in pace or elf or ac. but DANCE? dance is my life. well, WAS. whether im happy or sad, i dance. now, this proves that i cant. im never gonna dance again.

ive never been more demoralised than this. not even after screwing chem, which is also my life.

sth freaky happened during auditions. there's this girl, she brought her bf along and made him wait outside. the freaky thing is, he has a FOUR LEAF CLOVER BIRTHMARK!! oh my gosh i was totally freaked out la! and when i told feli about the sunshine heartbeats show, she was like omg too! then she said maybe its cause of my keychain =s oh my gosh super freaky!!

elf
met jas and cheng at the bus stop but i was supposed to meet jun too. then i forgot to wear trackpants unfortunately!! hahah so jas and i hurried to her friend's house to borrow trackpants. wahh we lost our way and almost ended up late. so we cabbed down to tp ):

im in the same group as jas!! hahah and cheng's classmate desmond too. okay another desmond. i know like 3 desmonds now. hahahaha desmond sim my gay bf is still my best friend (: our group mingled very fast ((: hahaha rocks. and we're quite bonded too. and there's this guy called jaz but its pronounced as JAZZ not "jus" as in jazliyana. hahah but im so used to calling jazliyana that i kept calling him "jus". opps. and this jialiang guy, he asked us to call him jia jia liang teh -.- reachman, whom we kept calling him tallman and longman (you know the dictionary?) and another ahboon whom we call "the rock" cos of his rockamania shirt! and he's a senior when he only looks like sec4!! but i dont like the jeffery ): SO DOMINEERING!! eeee duno if he got get in or not :X

the spiderweb thingy sucks la. im so heavy :S hahah i feel so sorry for them. and our group leaders were picking on us on purpose! arghhhh. kept giving us impossible tasks to do ):

lunch timeeeeee. played stupid games from foc again! hahaha. opps i forgot to mention that tim was our group's assesser!! argh and he had to be particulary strict on me just to prove he is fair. yah back to the point. anw i think des likes jas cos he kept asking her to play 2 pple's go back jump =s then somehow he wanted to help jas with our proj (bet he dint know im in the same group as her) and jer was so kongbu today :I

magic carpet was fun! hahah but its was damn humid and eveyone were like perspiring like shit. hahah since everyone smelt the same, we were hugging each other. yucksssss

highlight of the day was key punch! ahaha longman and ah boon cant spell!! our group song (you know sth like h02 song?)

abcdefghLjklmON...

and our group is the best la! hahah our timing was infinity ((:

THE BEST THING IS, ALMOST OUR WHOLE GROUP GOT IN ELF!! hahaha yes ahhh!! and jun and cheng got in too ((: yay elf's gonna be fun ((:

s05 outing
went cityhall to meet them after elf. quite saddening la cos only des, ellen, sara, sengyong, shenghan, jermyn and my mortal weiting turned up. so we went breeks for dinner (: there wasnt any seats at breeks so they asked us to go over to seoul garden to sit. hahah so weird!! but even though the attendance is quite disappointing, i hadnt felt so happy in like eons. and that special thing proved it. hahaha only weiting and jas knows i think.

bcs
so saddening ): i destroyed our efforts totally. cos of the messed up frames. i dont know what's gotten into me that made me delete everything. now we have to start from scratch again. im sorry, jas jer and kohting ):

im soo gonna flunk comm skills la. i stayed up till 2 for nth last night ): but thanks sp for the support!! hahah.

urgh. comm skills suck, bcs suck, rht suck. in short, htm sucks.

i made a pact with ______. im not gonna blog about unhappy stuffs again. urmm abit difficult la cos ive made this promise for like 5 times alr. but im gonna try one more time. jia you!! i can do it ((: i will prove it to you!!

i wish i have all the time in the world. there's so much to do in so little time ):

i thought you were different from the rest, guess you're just as shallow as them. wo kan cuo ni le.

i've forgotten how to smile long ago.

shi shi hou pa qi lai le. i'll jia you (: sighs. and when im ready to tell yall, i will. right now, i still dont have the courage. i cant believe im so easily hurt.

the past one month was a nightmare. it was just the beginning yet im alr breaking down. how to survive for 3 years? independent learning sucks. and we're supposed to learn to adapt in 3 years? and then its the final year project.

this is the worst period of my life. no doubt i've confided in many people, most of them i dont really see them ard. i need that smile, the encouraging words. the only one whom i see everyday and whom knows about my problems is ahboon. but he's not helping!! argh..

feli.. ):

when i can be myself again? its so tiring. and literally. cos its takes more muscles to frown then to smile. and ive since forgotten how to smile.

jia you!! i must climb back up on my feet! someone give me a helping hand?

sick ):

wahhh i seriously cant stand Z. grrrrrr and i soooo agree with Q that Z tries too hard. waaay too hard. and she's damn act la! act cute, act chio, act popular. can see that people who really know her dont like her lor! she's only using her looks to make friends. its so obvious lor, everyone's trying to be her friend cos she's pretty. and i cant believe i'll be facing her everyday. i mean considering such small chances, i'm still seeing her almost everyday ):

ahhh i need pi pa gao ):

thurs faster come! haha but i cant use it till i get help. cos my dad's going overseas on thurs so there's no one to help me with the installation of whatever. hahaha and edmund is so nice cos i asked him just now if he would come over and help me with it and he said yes! haha even though he knows nothing but most prob desmond will be here to help too. i seriously hope. or else my lappy's gonna like rot for 2 weeks. and they're only like living 2 blocks away. hahah the convenience ((:

okaay. ive gotta admit my whole family's been taking uncle chua's family for granted. hahah like the other time my dad was overseas and my mum was having trouble with the car. she totally freaked out and my dad asked her to seek help from uncle chua. like i said, 2 blocks away. hahaha. damn coolies :D

i think im sick. as in fever kinda sick ):

ahhhhh. jas, jeremy and i totally chionged bcs after sch today. woohoo! finally its done! hahaha yes yes!! 1 down, but many many more to go ): hahahah bcs shit. i still think its so funny.

feli feli ((: she's so nice!

as usual, you didnt keep your promise. again. for like the millionth time.

a wish is a dream your heart makes, when you're fast asleep.

tim is a blur king.

tim just scared the hell out of me. he was saying some names on the recuitment list were highlighted in red. then i was like shit must be those who were selected. cos my name not highlighted.

then he suddenly said.

[Ha²_PaLs] says: oh wait
[Ha²_PaLs] says: u noe wad?
[Ha²_PaLs] says: i think those highlighted in red means no email given
[Ha²_PaLs] says: HAHA
[Ha²_PaLs] says: i found the common thing about all the names in red..

-.- uncle need to check eyesight alr.

and now he's scaring me with politics in elf and ac. sighs i pa pa alr la!

alrights, back to sucky bcs!

a dream is a wish your heart makes (:

im tired of trying. its been soo long but yet i still refused to give up trying. i kept telling myself, jin yao guan tou bu fang qi, jue wang jiu hui bian cheng xi wang. well, guess its time to now.

i want my fossil watchhhh.

rht. i hate him!! he keeps going off topic. haha he's not refering to the tut ques la! wth.

orgbeh. i hate her too!! urgh she's so fierce ):

elf interview is damn screwed. so i was telling tim.

- p r i n c e m a t o (: says: haha screwed
[Ha²_PaLs] says: y?
- p r i n c e m a t o (: says: they ask alot of ques then i like ans the wrong thing
- p r i n c e m a t o (: says: like they asked if got this boy keep irritaing everybody in your grp what would you do
- p r i n c e m a t o (: says: then i explain explain and then i concluded with "if he really dont like us, i will try to change him to another grp"
- p r i n c e m a t o (: says: opps then they say cnt anyhow change grp one ):
[Ha²_PaLs] says: lol
[Ha²_PaLs] says: so cute!
[Ha²_PaLs] says: haha

): is that suppose to be sarcastic or a consolation?

[Ha²_PaLs] says: well, u can always appeal
[Ha²_PaLs] says: i got in through appeal =I

talking to shenghan does help abit. at least he's offering suggestions (:

laopaaaaa. where are you when i need you?? warcraft very impt isit?? i tell you im gonna join global connect and bug you to death!

i keep listening to im just a kid over and over again cos the lyrics reflect me sooo much.

cg outing on 20may, come on, ass oh five!! make it happen!

and guess og16's bday chalet is off ):

feliiiiiii. i need your voice ):

i will not fall.not again says: it takes alot of courage to confide in a person.beacuse you'll be showing him your vulnerable side.and you're not ashamed to share what you are going through, what people dont usually see you as, which everyone would be afraid of ruining his reputation and image.

woots. thanks alot ym ((:

i duno why im here. hahahaha im supposed to be doing bcs! but the urge to blog is so.. haha (:

and soon poh makes me feel better too (:

and this is how the story ends.

judge not by what you see, but by what to know.

I SAW MY EYECANDY TODAY!! hahaha so exciting! and thanks to v-bus i know his full name! but cannot add him la later he knows that i eyecandy him. haha too bad i duno his admin no or else can email him ((:

so cute. so cute. -gushes-

hmm i realise that other pple in other courses or even other polys dont have the same prob as mine. like although our class is ON (cos we are htm, its in the nature), we are not united. hmm i just wish that its because its only the 2nd week (excluding orientation)

i want my orientation packageeeeeeeeee

the bcs online quiz just killed me. and billions of my brain cells. wahliao whats that la so diff! anw thanks loads to ou and his supposingly-v-shuai friend for helping :p shhhh dont tell cher i cheated :X

maurice that lame shit called me auntie. so i told him im 17 and happening! you're 70 and dying (: hahaha i can rhyme!!

AND I CANT BELIEVE _______ EYECANDIES TERENCE!! hahah then that time when i crashed, _____ (some guy) was asking me if terence likes me cos of that stupid scandal in first 3 months, she totally freaked out and wanted to kill me!! haha so serious. but its like a known secret alr, i mean she eyecandying him. even maurice knows!

:S and he says terence and her quite pei. haha opps somebody's gonna flare up :X

i hate commskills!!! and i hate the group project research!! so ma fan one. why must we take this sucky sub ):

wahliao i felt so betrayed today lor. its like puking out your food and eating back your own puke. sorry for being so gross but its just an analogy.

i miss everyone in s05!! okay maybe except fertiliser. hahaah inside joke again (:

and i miss shena too!! my dearest twin troublemaker george ((: haha only she understands why i insist on environmental conciousness and inter-ethnic cohesion ):

SHENGHAN! YOU ROCK LA! i was complaining to him about this then he listened lor! anw he was saying environmental is easier. then he complained to me abt his pw presentation which was due the next day. i feel alot better after talking to him, although the prob doesnt go away. well here comes the funny part ((:

me: then how to research on teenage suicide ah? i need articles.
sh: tmr after my pw presentation fail i go commit suicide. then next day the newspaper article you can use as case study. teenage boy commits sucide due to lousy pw presentation.

hahahaha i think he's super crappy, although he seems quiet in class. but i forgot who told me that time he heard sh jermyn and weiliang crapping. hahah sth like chia, his crappy online mood. oh and ahboon also!

i like doing proj with jasmine (: i ponned lunch today for bcs and she accompanied me! haha so i offered her my breakfast and lunch. lol she had my lunch and i had my breakfast (: jas is soooo nice! and jeremy too! he ponned orgbeh to help me finish my report on the search engines. hahaha what nice people ((: they're so nice they make a cute couple. hahah

and i just realised i haven blogged abt oag privilege.

things to do over the weekend:
. orgbeh 2
. econs 1 & 2
. intro 2 & tut
. bcs 1 & research on isp (pacific net)
. commskills!!! urgh which i totally dont know how to do and dont wanna do ):
. print wadeva notes. intHT, bcs..

i want my laptopppp ):

wahh ms goh vvv unfair leh! she gave monica and michelle such a longggg recommendation for pace while she gave mine like 1.5 lines only ): shit la i sure cnt get in pace alr.

and what the shit evs was closed today cos of polling day tmr! shit la then yane and i went all the way there for nothing! wth.

her clique is damn nice lor. accompany her to sch. and v happening too. me leh? i dont even have a close friend la

things to buy:
. PENCIL CASE!
. notebooksssss. where to buy la?!??!
. stationary! this is pathetic!
. bcs books. wth nobody is selling second hand??!?!
. intHT. must we buy?!??!?! 51 bucks for 1 module for 1 sem is madness!!!
. orgbeh notes.

i like intHT ((: surprise! its the only module i like lor. but the tutor abit qi guai though. i dont mind being rep since i like it but like abit thick skin to volunteer myself. but then again since im so lazy better not be :X and intHT is troublesome! cant the lecturer just bind the whole thing for us like the rest of the modules?

i miss calling canteens CAFE ): i shall call them cafes in future then ((:

i'm considering of going hk for internship. since i like hk so much. but daphne says its better to do your internship at a place you really wanna work there in future. so ermm if i really work in hk i have to get pr? but my cantonese sucks la. or switzerland maybe? CHANGI AIRPORT TOO!! hahha and she wants to to go back oag to help her out at customer service ((: i dont mind though, can be froggy's colleague again! but oag sucks la! so boring! and the pay sucks too.

did i mention that daphne was an air stewardess? hahah okay im not gonna blog about oag privilege today. other day maybe.

alrights. back to intHT ((: erm, i mean sleep :P

snores.

comm skills. eee poly version of gp )): sheesh had i known there'd be gp too i rather stay in sa lor. but anw, since i dont want to take As. i better shut up about sa alr or else ah boon will ask me go back sa. and i seriously duno when i gave him my pw la!

urgh dilemma :/ ah boon! you better settle this mess! opps, CHEN SHANG GONG NIANG NIANG, NU BI ZHI ZUI! haha okay inside joke.

tkd was :X ganesh ask me to join HIS tkd instead. the one opp my old place. with charles. anw charles alr asked me not join school's tkd. but soon poh ask me to join instead! argh~ now my back is aching frm trng, not my thighs. wow what a miracle. and sara's sis is in tkd!! haha she was like you were from sa for first 3 months? my sis too. she's sara. sara parn. wth this world is bloody small.

to do list:
. org beh case study which i totally fell asleep while reading
. econs tut which i haven touched at all
. bcs last ques to go!!
. rht i duno what but tut most prob
. intHT tut but i duno if its printed in the lect notes too

argh matric card! no tp student survive without his matric card.

shi qu ji yi jiu chu de ai.

haha. quotable quotes ((:

i thought i had let it all go. but im falling in love with you all over again.