combined science pple, smack me!

science pracs tmr. good luck all! haha no school tmr for me (:

yay friday combine ss class with 407 at avt. actually theres nth for me to rejoice abt.

did i do the right thing? i dont think so. i dont wanna to do this either. dont make me.

what you dont know wont hurt you.

im not doing it to make you guilty. its just my punishment for my own stupidity. okay? dont need to make it look like im so desperate for attention. i dont need any.

i feel like having a nice talk with someone.

stop the lies.

everything they say are lies. what you'll feel better after crying and everything will be fine after you wake up from a good night's sleep. what rubbish. it just makes me feel worse.

tmr or sun?

ayy tmr. duno still on or not. sc damned what sia. nv arrange properly. he said tmr then bh said sun. wth?

looking for blogskins. none of them caught my sight. but its also a good thing la. if not have to change everything again.

weini's feeling stress now. too many tutorials. poor girl. ask jansen to help you la! (:

anna, must look after your health okay?

winnie, jia you! your pracs before mine. haha must tell me come out what ques :P

byebye

it always ends this way.

2 more weeks to eoys and i havent started a single thing. and i duno why am i blogging.

bball is fun when you know how to play. but the fun part is not the scoring. its the teamwork. (:

meiyan and qs are so compatible! looks and character! the more i see them, the more i feel that they have fu qi xiang! (: yay hope they last and better invite us to their wedding!

going to mug on sat. hope shena, bh and ken can make it. -crosses fingers-

i saw something (and i think i know what it is) on fatimah's arm. sighs hope she's alright! im worried for her sia.

nisa just got crowned miss beautiful legs 2005 by me. no i wasnt biantai-ing her of what. its just when she was walking up the stairs in front of me i just pointed to shena that her legs are so toned and slim! but she says she havent shaved her legs so dont look. haha shes damned funny. oh and fatimah has beautiful legs too! (: lucky them.

it always ends this way. im tired of trusting you.

its thurday. have you forgotten your promise?

- Incomplete

chem prac test was not bad. at least i got my titration right. but qa was careless i think. duno how i get insoluble aluminium when its supposed to be soluble zinc.

mr tsia was explaining to us what was SPA. thats what my sis always telling me but i still dont get her. haha now i do.

shout out to anna ng: hmm. i guess nth we say can make you change your mind now. but pls dont forget whatever your decision is, i'll always support you. as long as you are happy. as long as you are happy, we'll be happy for you too.

i know cheng's blog has this song thing but no i never copy from him because it was alr in my draft long time ago. anw 406 are incomplete siao. me shena cheng kaili and anna totally in love with this song :)

Incomplete by Backstreet Boys
Empty spaces fill me up with holes
Distant faces with no place left to go
Without you within me I can't find no rest
Where I'm going is anybody's guess

I've tried to go on like I never knew you
I'm awake but my world is half asleep
I pray for this heart to be unbroken
But without you all I'm going to be is incomplete

Voices tell me I should carry on
But I am swimming in an ocean all alone
Baby, my baby
It's written on your face
You still wonder if we made a big mistake

I've tried to go on like I never knew you
I'm awake but my world is half asleep
I pray for this heart to be unbroken
But without you all I'm going to be is incomplete

I don't mean to drag it on, but I can't seem to let you go
I don't wanna make you face this world alone
I wanna let you go (alone)

I've tried to go on like I never knew you
I'm awake but my world is half asleep
I pray for this heart to be unbroken
But without you all I'm going to be is incomplete

Incomplete

com lab

im at the com lab now :) but the stupid hussien ask us to log out :( mr yeo too. ayy cnt play. anw going for chem prac. sheesh again. better not be tiration. okay bye bye

chenkai's love story :)

with courtesy of ng chenkai.

chenkai and kim met in pri school. they both liked each other since p6 but neither of them knew it. so, like many pple, they became dry bro and sis in sec3. ck dint dare to express his feelings to kim cos he wasnt sure how she felt and so, he waited for her to make the move first. kim, on the other hand, felt the same way and so, both of them just did nth about it.

kim really liked him, so everytime, she initiated the conversation, be it sms, msn or call. ck was of course happy and their conversation lasted for very long periods of time. finally, kim gave up. she didnt want to be the one always initiating everything. ck seemed to sense that too and one day, ck told kim that he likes her. kim, of course was exhilarated. but she didnt want to accept him because ck did nth to woo her unlike some pple, who would sms their crush everyday, treat their crush to sth or another. most of all, kim didnt think she was good enough for ck because she's not pretty. (okay la i agree that ck is sort of good-looking, but kim is not bad either! i mean she's not the school belle or whatever but she's like as pretty as momo. and both of them are men-magnets!)

ck dint get her reply, so he started to give up. however whenever he was with kim, he could see that kim likes him too. but because none of them wanted to make the move first, both of them finally gave up.

another guy then came into the picture. turns out, he likes kim too. so kim decided to accept him because she was tired of waiting for ck and she could no longer reject that guy. the day before she agreed to stead with that guy, she asked ck out. finally, she told ck everything. how she felt about him, why she dint expressed that last time and all. and ck, too, told her.

but sighs, kim alr accepted that other guy and she cnt go back on her words. so too late for ck. i pity you.

thanks ck for your story although i long time nv see kim alr. hopes she's doing fine.

but anw ck says that kim's still with that guy, but i dont think she's happy. sighs NG CHEN KAI!! you ass couldnt you just asked her for stead?!!? sheesh you loser. see la! stubborn for what?!

woossh i spent 2 days typing out this story and its alr sumarised. haha. ck is so naggy.

-shakes head-

relative velocity is not my friend.

im feeling high today! dont ask me why cos i seldom get so high in the morning. then shena yane and clement were all shocked to see me so high.

amath i almost cried. i totally dont understand a single thing abt the damned relative velocity. wah first time i ask so many questions in class. i know can give up, but i dont want. my maxima/minima and kinematics alr so lan then if i give up this i sure fail la!

nvm shall talk abt ytd.

met up with bh, ken and sc. supposed to go study but end up they did all sorts of things. bh bought cd, ken and sc played bball. whats so nice abt bball like i said? they offered to teach me how to play but i rejected. haha. not nice de. ayy maybe next time ba.

damn crap la they all. haha bh ultrasound! :)

long time nv laugh so much outside school so really have to thank them for making my day! :)

其实友情反而比爱情更棒. 爱情还是有可能分手, 但朋友是永远的. 你愿意做我世上最好的朋友吗?

give up

dedicated to you:

im giving up on you alr. i dont want to keep waiting for you until you have some probs then you come to me. i dont want. why am i always the one waiting? if you dont care then i dont care.

do you know that i gave up the chance to watch project superstar with anna and winnie just because of you!? sheesh why am i so stupid!?

aiya. you're trying to act like a loyal friend i guess? next time i just keep everything to myself isnt it better. dont trust anyone anymore. i'd rather be a loner.

self-cheeringup? helps when nobody bothers to cheer you up.

but without you all i'm going to be is incomplete im sorry i'm going to be anything but incomplete without you.

get a grip please.

repeat telecast of project superstar. kelly's really weird. that song's not even very rock so why is she so zi high? dots.

randommness

i hate misunderstandings. and now, i hate myself for not even bothering to explain anything. sheesh. this sucks. but im sorry yeah. i really am. but not like you care. rah.

bed time story is such a nice song! very sweet and cryable. cos its shanzi's song. so wei da. haha. rachel prefers breathe again. we love sad songs.

i duno why im running away from this. i dont want to. i wanna face it. i really do. but its not as easy as you think it is. i need more time. blah. i hate this.

do you know how touched i was when you said you were worried about me? well. i know that will never happen again. you just dont care anymore.

ah randomness.

we're really going in opposite directions. im not gonna do anything more to save this because i know it wont come back to me. i can breathe again and im never going back to you.

i lost it once. and its never coming back again.

i just wanna leave this place. nobody cares if im alive or not. i wanna go overseas to study next year but my dad said no. he said i have to complete poly here. sheesh i dont want. i wanna go away.

let go, forget, move on. byebye.

- Beautiful

ayy whats wrong with me? eoys or also known as prelims are only less then 1 month away. and i still havent started any serious studying and yet im here blogging.

just finished coping the geog mock ans script. winnie tan has to brain. give us ans making me so tempted to copy. i have no self control okay! anw whats the point in making us practise our handwriting then hand in to you? thats was in p1. WE'RE SEC 4 NOW! sighs waste our time.

i cant believe it. junyang is out. so's xinhui. no point watching finals. both finalists i dont like. yuck.

anyway just a dedication to my favourite jie: all the best for your exams and im really glad you're much happier now. dont let anyone put you down yeah? thanks for showing me that you care when you had your own problems which i couldnt be of any help. i never regretted that phone conversation we had which almost caused me to fail chem. it was worth it. remember, life's a seesaw, you wont always be down. whatever happens, im here. =)

back to studying.

Beautiful by Christina Aguilera
Don't look at me

Every day is so wonderful
And suddenly, it's hard to breathe
Now and then, I get insecure
From all the fame, I'm so ashamed

I am beautiful no matter what they say
Words can't bring me down
I am beautiful in every single way
Yes, words can't bring me down
So don't you bring me down today

To all your friends, you're delirious
So consumed in all your doom
Trying hard to fill the emptiness
The piece is gone and the puzzle undone
That's the way it is

You are beautiful no matter what they say
Words won't bring you down
You are beautiful in every single way
Yes, words won't bring you down
Don't you bring me down today...

No matter what we do
No matter what they say
We're the song inside the tune
Full of beautiful mistakes

And everywhere we go
The sun will always shine
And tomorrow we might wake on the other side
All the other times

We are beautiful no matter what they say
Yes, words won't bring us down
We are beautiful no matter what they say
Yes, words can't bring us down
Don't you bring me down today

Don't you bring me down today
Don't you bring me down today

one day i'll leave this place, leave all this behind me. i know i can do it.

funny day!

pe. played cball. boring. poor mich fell down and her lip bled.

then played great wall of china. the even nos are supposed to 'build' a wall in the middle of the bball court. then the odds are to 'demolish' the wall. shena was damned heavy. and nans damned strong. thankfully aisyah was there to help. and we demolished the wall in 45 secs i think.

the evens are strong. shena and nans busy pulling me and aminah busy protecting me. but clement loi the pervert pulled her away although guys are not supposed to pull girls and vice versa. but they demolished our wall in 35 secs i think. fast.

recess. me and shena pretended as if we just got to know each other and lyana was so irrtated with us cos she was clueless what we were talking abt! (we planned it when she was in the toilet) then she was so fed up she almost killed us.

after mt saw ahbu they all and they told me they were going to the lab. so i went up with them. then i realised we were also going to the lab. so walk tgt. then saw 407! haha so i told ll on the way that 406, 407, 408 all going lab. then kx they all were behind. and were they damned sarcastic. okaay nvm. but i was excited cos first time the 3 of our classes go lab tgt. haha.

chem prac was sort of okay i guess. cos donyeo said it was easy. okay la. but my va still sucks.

went out of the lab and saw dok. she was still holding her green apple from her bio prac so she gave me a bite. haha nice. but she bluff me got hcl and blah blah blah. so i told her hoho very funny. bio prac or chem huh?

sekhar asked me to go look for lwg. so before lunch me and shena went general office to find her. then we saw rozi outside so i asked her mdm roziana can help us call MRS lwg? then she corrected me. its miss. haha but anw she looks old la. cnt blame me.

lunch at kopitiam. ll momo and qin joined us. then the 2.00 bell rang but i dint care cos i thought ec starts at 2.30 (the guys are still happily enjoying the lunch). actually the 407 guys too, even though they knew that their amath starts at 2. so i was still slowly drinking ll's soup. then shena had to go cos her chem test starts at 2.30 and have to report at 2.15.

so we were still slowly walking up when the guys joined us. suddenly i remembered i had to look for lwg so we both turned and start to walk down. then someone (i forgot who la) asked where we going cos phy started alr. i was so shocked cos i thought it starts at 2.30 and cheng said later mr tsia ask why we late we say cos we wait for the C6 lor! then everybody started laughing cos he was supposed to say merit (refering to me)! c6 is him la! so everybody laughed all the way to class and were still laughing when we went to the lab.

tsk. see la. suan me too much until got addicted. haha!

ytd's phy prac was horrible. i do until wanna cry. then mr tsia said this is one of the easiest. i was so shocked that my eyes were wide open, jaws hanging until someone (i think it was yl/mich) nudged me. too traumatised.

tong hua! junyang's version is nicer :) go junyang!

should i retake my oral? im so damned confused now! i need your advice, i want your advice! but why arent you talking to me?

i wonder if i have a split personality or sth. when im sad, i dont express it at school. i go on being happy and smile and laugh with pple. but once im alone, that feeling of sadness is overwhelming.

ming ming zhi dao bu ke yi, dan wo zhen de zhen de hao xiang ni.

- Untitled

sheesh. she's such an ungrateful brat. we bought her sth and she just took it without saying anything. not even a word of thanks. yah yah yah you think you everyday talk on the phone with him then you very great la! -rolls eyes- utterly disgusted.

yay class tee tmr :) finally. clement ah! when you planning to give us? next century?

was thinking how ive always dreamt to be a dancer and musician but it's a dream that will never come true. was taking dance classes in bedok when i was 7 yrs old. was so happy and all but had to move to tampines when i was in p4. and when we reached here, there wasnt any cc nearby. so i could only continued. wanted to join dance in sec 1 but evs dances damned lousy. and now when i see the cheerleaders and the anti-drug abuse dance competitors, i have this feeling, why didnt i know about this? i could have joined. so basically now im 16 and dont have a chance to dance. i really regret not being able to fulfill my dreams when i was young. and when i was in sec 1, i was troubling over whether to join st john or co or band. then adeline told me to join co cos band was loud (i cnt stand loud noises) and st john is tough (my stamina sucks) so i got cheated and went into co. sigh. next year? i dont have the foundation so i wont get into dance or band in poly. the most i can do is try out for chinese dance. yup. but then think abt it, im not cut out for dance or music, unlike dok. sigh. =( bu shi na kuai liao.

[edit] is it me or is my oral really that difficult? all the topics on fri and today are really very easy. i dont know why that examiner dont like me or sth, if not why she never ask me the ques? its not a prompt okay pple, its a ques! dont tell me she conveniently forgot. i know i shouldnt brood over it since its over but oral! without oral i think its very diff for me to get into hospi or mass com. my future is so bleak. [/edit]

thanks for your concern today. but i really duno if you meant it. should i believe you?

Untitled by Simple Plan
I open my eyes
I try to see but I'm blinded by the white light
I can't remember howI can't remember why
I'm lying here tonight

And I can't stand the pain
And I can't make it go away
No I can't stand the pain

How could this happen to me
I've made my mistakes
Got nowhere to run
And life goes on
As I'm fading away
I'm sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me

Everybody's screaming
I try to make a sound but no one hears me
I'm slipping off the edge
I'm hanging by a thread
I wanna start this over again

So I try to hold on to a time when nothing mattered
And I can't explain what happened
And I can't erase the things that I've done
No I can't

How could this happen to me
I've made my mistakes
Got nowhere to run
And life goes on
As I'm fading away
I'm sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me

sui ran ni de ai bu ming xian, wo hui fang zai wo de xin li mian.

tarepanda! :D

argh i finally saw that big tarepanda at lovely land at bugis! but its 50 bucks and the body is damned weird. sheesh dont tell me i really have to fly to japan and buy. sighs.

ruined.

went bugis with winnie ytd. walked ard and finally ate at 8. wow damned tired.

oh we went to bugis street and ironically, we went to a shop called silver.com and saw silver. haha she looks prettier in person and not so fat. in fact i think im fatter then her. ayy camera tricks. the mass com lady at sp told us when we went there last time.

sheesh i hate my life. i think my future i ruined. all thanks to the oral. oh man. winnie said that merit for oral might pull the whole grades down. shit im comfirming getting a pass for oral and even if i get a1 for written i'll still get a b4 overall. and im definately getting a b4 for written. so that makes my overall a d7!! omg shit my future is ruined.

even if i do pass my overall, i cnt get into hospi cos they comfirm got take oral into consideration and then i cnt go mass com either. and biotech is my 3rd choice but i dont really care abt it now that my hopes are dashed.

shit me. argh!!

oh yah, anybody know of any enviornment organisation? i wanna volunteer. and oh! if i wanna be environmentalist in future what should i take in poly?

im ruined :(

- Complicated

yucks this is so unfair. today's oral topic so easy! :(

shiit kino sale is over like since 2 days ago. argh 20%!! i could save up to 30 bucks considering all the stuffs i wanna buy. shiiit!! 30 bucks i can buy like 2 tops! argh stupid me.

Complicated by Avril Lavigne
Chill out whatcha yelling' for?
Laid back it's all been done before
And if you could only let it be
you will see
I like you the way you are
When we're drivin' in your car
and you're talking to me one on one but you've become

Somebody else round everyone else
You're watching your back like you can't relax
You're tryin' to be cool you look like a fool to me
Tell me

Why do you have to go and make things so complicated?
I see the way you're acting like you're somebody else gets me frustrated
Life's like this you
And you fall and you crawl and you break
and you take what you get and you turn it into honesty
and promise me I'm never gonna find you fake it
no no no

You come over unannounced
dressed up like you're somethin' else
where you are ain't where it's at you see
you're making me
laugh out when you strike your pose
take off all your preppy clothes
you know you're not fooling anyone
when you've become

Somebody else round everyone else
You're watching your back, like you can't relax
you're trying to be cool you look like a fool to me
Tell me

Why do you have to go and make things so complicated?
I see the way you're acting like you're somebody else gets me frustrated
Life's like this you
and you fall and you crawl and you break
and you take what you get and you turn it into honesty
promise me I'm never gonna find you fake it
no no no

screwed oral

argh merit? shit why do i always screw up my oral?

its so unfair! clement is just said wei le tiao zhan zi ji -diam- and he got a merit too! i said so much and i only got a merit? argh shit me.

shit la if i screw up all my oral then what if next time hospi dont want me? argh oh no! i can speak so well in front of everybody and all the teachers but why do i always screw up during exams!?!? shit me. i really suck. im such an idiot. just kill me if hospi doesnt wanna accept me. freak.

when the results came out, everyone rushed down from class (we were not noticed cos mr foo went to class late too) and flooded the general office. saw my results and jumped ard! omg i think i jumped too much that im suffering from leg cramp now. ayy

dok was so high and she jumped about too! lucky ass that woman! she's so high that she kept hugging me.

i think that - and -- really super no chemistry. haha shant elaborate if not too obvious. but seriously, she's so fake! urgh hypocrite!

dont worry, you did well! but i wish i could tell you that.

1 min 24 sec. how i wish it could be longer. but the 1:24 was the happiest time ive had since like 1 whole month.

- Lucky

things to do:
1. go kino and buy everything i need (stationary + books) before the bloody sale is over.
2. find someone to go with me.
3. stop thinking about eng oral.
4. ditto chi results.
5. ditto -.

Lucky by Britney Spears
This is the story about a girl named Lucky.

Early morning
She wakes up
Knock, knock, knock on the door

It's time for makeup
Perfect smile
It's you they're all waiting for

Isn't she lovely
This Hollywood girl

And they say..

She's so Lucky
She's a star
But she cry cry cries in her lonely heart
Thinking, if there's nothing missing in my life
Then why do these tears come at night?

Lost in an image, in a dream
But there's no one there to wake her up
And the world is spinning and she keeps on winning
But tell me, what happens when it stops
Baby

Isn't she lovely
This Hollywood girl

And they say..

She's so Lucky
She's a star
But she cry cry cries in her lonely heart
Thinking, if there's nothing missing in my life
Then why do these tears come at night?

Isn't she lovely
This Hollywood girl

She's so Lucky
But why does she cry?
If there's nothing missing in her life
Why do tears come at night?

She's so Lucky
She's a star
But she cry cry cries in her lonely heart
Thinking, if there's nothing missing in my life
Then why do these tears come at night?

She's so Lucky
But she cry cry cries in her lonely heart
Thinking, if there's nothing missing in my life
Then why do these tears come at night?

how do you spell screwed? i spell it O-R-A-L

damned it im screwed for the third time.

the shity invigilators were damned soft and i cannot hear a freaking promt and i asked them twice and fuck it. i still couldnt hear. so forget it i just shot rubbish at them.

im serious, for the first time. IM GONNA GET ONLY A FREAKING PASS FOR ORAL! IM DOOMED!

fuck. damned me. why am i such a failure? why am i such a loser? why am i such a sucker? and the other grp got the easier topic. just my luck. why isnt there felix felicis? oh i forgot, its banned in exams.

very good. just wonderful. eng oral's my only way to score and i was so looking forward for it to pull me up, but now, shit its gonna drag me down. i so freaking wanna cry.

i really cant believe it! i had so much luck from so many pple, they al wished me thousand and 1 times but i still screwed up! im so traumatised now i dont even feel like speaking and im just venting my unhappiness here. and i dont even bother to apologise for this fucking entry, whats the point, i'll delete it sooner or later. no i shant. damned. what was i thinking?

i know its over and no point crying over it, blah blah blah, but really! ive never gotten only a bloody pass in oral and for goodness sake! this will be the first and last time im gonna get one. yah i know everyone has his/her first time but why must mine be on the big Os itself? shit me. im such an idiot!

can you just call? you freaking dumb ass!

- Unwanted

argh im really starting to panic now. oral's tmr and im so not prepared. mentally and all. sighs. and my confidence level is waaaay down there -points to floor-

indonesians really suck! why cant they seem to understand the fact that forest fires cause air pollution which leads to haze which leads to greenhouse effect which leads to global warming which leads to melting of ice caps which leads to flooding which can cause their bloody country and other innocent ones like us to be swallowed up forever!??! oh damned them. watched the news just now and poor us! we got affected by their 300+ forest fires for nothing! shit we are so innocent yet why are we suffering!? i think god did this to punish us for not educating and advising them not to burn their precious forests.

seriously, they suck.

and whats the difference between advice and advise? and practice and practise? when to use them? and why do we have to go to school? and why must we go to school?. english is such a troublesome language.

im experiencing the effects of global warming now. im in an aircon room at 7.30 at night and i just bathed and im perspiring alr! like wth.

why am i the only one who cares for the environment in my family? (and class probably) sheesh i feel insignificant.

i feel happy for joi chua. cos she has such nice voice but the songs they gave her are urgh. and the mtvs, yucks. now her songs are nicer. cos new producers i think. and ocean ou has sucky voice and yet he gets to sing all the nice songs. what crap. such an unfair world.

Unwanted by Avril Lavigne
All... i did was walk over
Start off by shaking your hand
That's how it went
I had a smile on my face
and I sat up straight

Oh, yeah, yeah
I wanted to know you
I wanted to show you

You don't know me
Don't ignore me
You don't want me there
You just shut me out!
You don't know me
Don't ignore me
If you had your way
You'd just shut me up.

Make me go away...

(I'm so unwanted)

No, I just don't understand, why
you won't talk to me

It hurts...
that I'm so unwanted for nothing
Don't talk words against me

I wanted to know you
I wanted to show you

You don't know me
Don't ignore me
You don't want me there
You just shut me out
You don't know me
Don't ignore me
If you had your way
You'd just shut me up

Make me go away
Make me go away

I tried to belong
It didn't seem wrong
My head aches
Its been so long
I'll write this song
If that's what it takes
Yeah

You don't know me
Don't ignore me
You don't want me there
You'd just shut me out
You don't know me
Don't ignore me
If you had your way
You'd just shut me up

Make me go away
Make me go away
Make me go away

i really need your support now. even if its just a sms, i dont care. i really need you :(

my (sorry, not mine, my sis') mother

i cant believe i actually have such a mother.

just now after we had our dinner, my mum served us deserts (logan). so she gave me first. and automatically i passed it to my sis. when she was halfway finishing it, my mum came out with a second bowl and said to my sis why did you eat that? thats for sheena! so i told her no problem, since there's no difference.

AND YOU KNOW WHAT SHE SAID?!!?

fiona's got more.

WTH?!?!

and since i was young i've alr suspected that my mum favours my sis more (siwei should know - he was the only one who read my journal before) and now it just proved my hypothesis!

wah pissed.

ndp rocks! the marching rocks! fireworks rocks! good for those who went to watch the display :(

dling reach out for the skies. its sounding nicer and nicer :) and rui'en's so pretty today!! but she looks so stress.

oh clement loi said her mouth is big. you good! but actually yah la quite, but i still like. rui'en, i mean :)

and i still wanna watch charlie and the chocolate factory (catcf)! johnny depp just rocksssssss!

hello?! you promised to watch it with me. but guess we wont be watching it together since you no longer need me. and not to mention that you have someone else now. i tell you if you carry on like that, you're gonna lose all your friends.

i realised i can only trust myself now. even my intuition (the one on your birthday) was right. damned. i shldnt have believed you. you're just a hypocrite like they are.

you.

oh hoho lets talk about you.

do you EVER spare a thought for other pple. do you care what others feel? NO. you dont give a damn about anyone's feelings. you do whatever you wanna do, say whatever you wanna say. and you dont care who you hurt because its their fault you have something against them ot their race/religion. AND you dont even bother to apologise when you accused someone wrongly. you are damn great.

you think you're always right and others are always in the wrong. you NEVER try to make things right. you're always assuming things, never bothering to find out the truth before making conclusions.

all you care about is YOURSELF. your whole world revolves around YOURSELF.

and so what if you're damn smart and pretty? it does not give you any right to look down on other pple and think that everyone else is inferior. you dint have to pretend you wanna help me and then give up on me and walk away when i was at the lowest point in my life.

and now you act like you dont know me. oh, so its very embarrassing to have me as a friend isit? so embarrassing that you dont even wanna say hi. just walk past me like im transparent.

and i supposed you duno im talking about YOU. what a joke.

JUST WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?

WTF.

happy national day!

my favourite holiday! :D

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SINGAPORE!

you're 40 now! so old! the big 4-0. hee hee happy bithday mummy!

erm in case yall are wondering, yah singapore's our zu guo, so yupps shes our mummy! :D

happy birthday again, mum! :D

pre-oral panication

oh no oh no oh no. im not being paranoid or what, its just MY ORAL IS ON THURSDAY!! like everyone's gloating over the fact that their oral is next tue (lalala woo momo do you plead guilty?!) and blah blah blah. thanks alot. and not to mention that i take my oral damned seriously. like i give a damn for chinese oral but no! not for english! due to the fact that lwg gave me high marks for my sec 3 oral. therefore i now think that my english is damn pro when in fact, it is not. oh btw im trying to type in good and not broken english because, yall just knew, that my oral is coming soon. YES veeery soon. which means the others have more time to practise in class when my only session left is on thursday before the actual horrible thing? and its so tedious to type in proper english that i dont think i make any sense at all so forget it.

went for movie with winnie, shena, momo, ou they all. omg im never gonna watch any of those movies again. sick. yes sick is the word. no actually sick is sort of too light a word to describe. argh my limited vocab!

i suck. i do. oh whatever~

i forgot tm was flooded by walking singapore flags from all schools. wow.

ohoh! 4 1/2 more hours to singapore's birthday! :D im patriotic!

urgh sometimes i feel that having a portable diary is better than blog. its like a portable diary, you dont have to log on to the internet or what-so-ever. AND you can write anywhere, anytime (yeah in the toilet too) you want without your sis asking you to go offline so she can do her whatever project. and my internet just sucks. damned slow and retarded. and it doesnt respond to me. so yeah its sucks. BUT the diary is difficult as in like i have to write! and my handwritting sucks. and not to mention that i write slow (i mean i can write fast but my handwriting'd be unrecognisable.) and i type faster. well sort of. dint really go compare anw. but the point is, oh well, there are pros and cons but okaay i dont know what im talking abt. and wanna know sth? i have a dictionary by my side everytime i blog and i have to check even the simplest word unrecognisable. how pathetic is that? and if im gonna change to a diary instead, you mean i have to carry a big fat bulky dictionary with me everywhere i go?

oh i hope the oral's topic on environment crisis or sth, cos thats the only thing im good at. oh no sorry my mistake. im not good at anything. its just sth that i dont suck at.

i was thinking just now. ive been using too much of damneds here and there. what if i accidentally said sth like do you know that bloody ozone layer is being depleted at a damned alarming fast rate thanks to those fucking inconsiderate pple who simply refused to stop wasting precious paper and thus poor and innocent trees are being cut down by the bloody commercial loggers?!?! during oral.

but its not like im addicted to vulgarities or what (damned and bloody are not vulgarities anw. and i rarely use the f word nowadays.) but i just feel that damned and bloody makes your sentances feel strong. with feelings i mean. i seriously duno what to do if they werent invented.

oh shucks what am i gonna do?!?!

breathe again

i miss the good old days. but they're gone forever.

very good. so this i how im supposed to find out. if it werent for her, i guess i never know. means what? i have to thank her for that? no! i dont wanna find out this way. why couldnt you tell me huh? thanks for even bothering to lie. thanks alot. greatly appreciated.

we are nowhere near close. and will NEVER be. i give up. you wont try even a single bit to save this friendship anyway. i guess i just dont bring happiness to anyone. and you. we're supposed to be uh close? thats what YOU claim. not me. but whenever - is around you totally change your attitude. i dont know what you're thinking. only you know how you really feel. actually you dont have to be there for me (or so you claim) you know. i dont need you. thank you very much.

maybe i should uh keep away for a while? maybe things will turn out for the better, maybe they wont. maybe the friendship will be lost forever. i dont know. im scared to find out. but its the only option now i guess. urgh. dorothy! why did you ask that question! becos of your question, i started thinking so much about WHY i am doing this, why i am - - - although im not the only one but im definitely the most obvious one. rah.

i miss dad. i wont trust anyone so easily again. i will try not to gossip so much next time. smack me if i do. well. i never know who's the next one to betray me again. do YOU know you almost destroyed the friendship between me and her? the thing im going thru now, its all thanks to you! if not for you, this damned thing would not even happen in the first place! and now you're till not happy abt what happened to us and you still continued with your behaivours now? urgh. i hate you.

jemima and i used to joke and say how she loves so many pple but pple dont love her as much in return. now im the one. i dont feel loved. i AM not loved.

guess im not going for whatever gathering or outing there is on monday. no life no life lor. dont care alr. i dont have a choice. and by doing work i wont have time to think so much and cry so much. good? i duno.

and thanks for saying that. although its not true, its something i hope for. so it kind of made me happy? to know that someone actually thinks that way. not only you. but. im just glad to hear that. really. and sad at the same time, because its not true and i really want it to be. you get what i mean. bah. how can i be happy and sad at the same time. i never expected you to think that way. i never thought people thought that way. im so fake. i want people to think that way although its not true. but i'd rather it be true before people think that way. confusing. but thats what i feel. only you can make that happen, but i know it never will.

i'd rather be cliche.

and to you. just wanna say im really sorry for what happened in the past. the misunderstandings we had. i guess its a bit too late yeah. that friendship will never come back. we'll never be as close again. but i realised it too late.

one two three four five six seven eight nine. NINE blows. i cant take it alr. BUT this time i managed not to cry. i'll be brave. i'll prove that to you. fuck. i just failed, the moment i put down the phone.

thats enough. i dont wanna know anymore. and i will pretend i dont know anything.

where are you when i needed you? and i really need you now :(

foo yong shiong is a fucking loser!

foo yong shiong is a damned fucking loser can. sucks big time.

ytd during ss, shena was saying sth so i laughed (basic courtesy!) and i wasnt the only one not paying attention (anw i did! if i dint i wouldnt have been bothered to copy all the stuffs he wrote on the board!) then he wrote meritocracy on the board. suddenly he pointed at me (where not he not happy sia!) and said you! you! give me 2 principles of good governance! so i said in a very bu shuang manner fairness! pragmatism! then when he turned and write on the board i said quite loudly what you you you! pple got name one la! then he not happy again and asked for the remaining 2. wahlao! you forgot then say la! why must pick on me huh!?! HUH??!

and he wrote forward looking as F.L. so shena and i said it stands for fucking loser. yupp thats him.

shit. all teachers show favoritism! and guess whats the best part? MISS CHIN MY FORM TEACHER DOESNT EVEN KNOW MY DARN NAME! how interesting is that!? wow i dint know i could make myself invisible! maybe next time when i get retrenched or sth i'll go join the fantastic 4!

shoutout to winnie: hey girl! dont keep thinking about your physics okay? its just a test, im sure you can do better next time if not for your carelessness. must have time management, so can check. prelims coming up, must jia you! got any probs regarding hw, feel free to ask anna or me okay? as for your xin shi, dont think too much ba. really got any probs, confide in anna, she'll lend a listening ear de!

sorry i suck at comforting pple. i remembered during p4 wen once cried. and then she cried even more cos she couldnt find me to comfort her. and when i finally did, she cried even more! omg sorry i really suck at this. but i seemed to be cursed to have this you-can-confide-in-me look since i was born. haha but really, whats the point if you can confide in me but i cant offer you advice. so yupp.

urgh. i suck. big time. cant believe im the suckiest person ever walked on earth. and will be.

sheesh. read this article on some mag. sighs why cant we be like them? why why why? their friendship can be sooo close when their situation is almost like ours. but why cant we be as close as them? well, i figured. cos you have your own best friend too. so what am i to you? nothing.

i remembered during p2, mrs tay seperated me and bren cos we were sort of quarrelling by PASSING NOTES! (can you imagine how childish we all used to be?) and she spotted us and forced us to change places! vivien wanted to sit with me then pris wanted to sit with bren. so both bren and i cried like hell! cos although we quarrelled, we were still best friends. but after that incident i sort of dont like mrs tayas much as i used to cos pris snatched my best friend away (bren was er.. neutral) and vivien wanted to be MY best friend. sighs. complicating life.

oh well, NOTHING LASTS FOREVER!

whatever they say.

i cant believe im saying this: im loving geog now!

cos of the environment thing now! im so glad pple actually got influenced by winnie tan and now im not the only person caring for the environment!

took this from anna's blog:

many times, we are too used to stereotyping people by their outer appearances and labelling them as good or bad. this is bad, isnt it? but the worst is that even people elder than me are doing such things too, despite being told by people who are younger than them.

i really hope that they would stop all those sterotyping. the better-looking ones maybe not always be the best.

give yourself a chance to look beyond their weaknesses. because only then can ya see their strengths. it's interesting to find out some of their hidden inner beauty, isnt it?

learn to treat everyone fairly and not being biased.
do some reflections and change your mindsets.

so totally agree! like what i said last time, its always the oh-so-cool pple getting all the attention. who says only short hair is cool? long hair cannot be cool la?

anw, decided on my life now:

1. after os, get a job at airport (sakae sushi, soup restaurant, fish&co..)
2. volunteer at salvation army/spca/any environmental organisation
3. learn korean and latin :)
4. poly - hospi/biotech/mass com
5. pass driving test
6. start my own business
7. go uni - psychology
8. get my own office!

yeah i wish.

just watched juedui superstar. i recorded last night. and since im trying to cheer up, i shall comment.

the judges suck. i think xu huan liang is the only professional judge. li fei hui talks rubbish. ye pei fen just rephrases what he says -.- li wei song is cute but damn gay, he kept saying junyang got dian dao ta. = fang zhong hua always gives a good performance low marks and a lousy one high marks (he gave jason 8 last night. wtf?!) basically conclusion is: LOUSY JUDGES. and well, lousy contestants. i think weilian will be out next week. then i really duno if weijian or junyang will win. and oh. and weicong looks like lawrence really.

urgh i wanna watch soooo many movies. lets count. there's at least 5 i think.

news: we can wear jeans and red shirt to school on mon. winnie asked me if im wearing. and guess what? if i was 6 months ago, you and i'd be happily discussing what to wear and maybe we'd be planning to wear the same stuff and afterwards hang ard or sth. but no, not now. since we're so distant now, guess i wont be bothering to ransack my wardrobe for stuffs to wear.

glad you made your decision. so lets treat this as a test for our friendship. after 1 month, would we still be as close?

why does it ALWAYS have to be like that. why is it that everytime we start getting close and having fun, we have to SEPARATE?!?!! first it was k2, then p1, p2, p4(the EM1 system), then p6(to evs alone) to sec 3(with nobody either) and NEXT YEAR AND NEXT NEXT NEXT YEAR.

WTF?!

i HATE changes. but these are only tiny small little minute changes. next time...it'll be worse la. so i'll have to deal with it. embrace changes. yucks. and i also learnt today that i should accept pple for who they are. as in, everyone is different. i shouldnt expect everyone to be the type of pple i like. some pple are just bitchy bimbotic slutty flirtatious and all the things i dont like but that doesnt make them "not good". maybe the bitchiness is something i dont like, but i dont have to really dislike her. i may not be able to stand the way she talks the way she thinks the way she dresses but as a person, she might be...nice or sth. anna told me today. and i realised my belief actually supports what they were shes to tell me. since i always say EVERYONE IS NICE IN SOME WAY, so i should really start appreciating OTHER pple and accepting them. and another thing, i shouldnt dislike someone without knowing him or her first. yeah. k la anna, i stop disliking her. =) i am being nice. yay.

rah. pple really change when they become attached. as in, you cant just talk about anything again. cos they would want to share everything with their "the other half" instead of with you. sigh.

and seriously, dont do something just because everyone else is doing it. really. THINK FOR YOURSELF.

where's mato?

whats up with my left shoulder anw?

tue: brought my whole rod of book wrapper plastic to school to lend jaz. then during lunch time clement took it and hit my left shoulder. then he said i have losta fats!! INFRONT OF SHENA WINNIE KAILI AND CHENG!! ARGH CLEMENT LOI!! then i was yelling abt going on a diet. ASS!

wed: the guys came and join our floorball game. then somehow our soccer ball rolled to nowhere. and clement dint realise it too. so i was talking to charles, who was in front of me, and clement, who was beside me, before the game started. then all of a sudden, THE SOCCER BALL FLEW OUT OF NOWHERE AGAIN AND HIT MY LEFT SHOULDER! wth clement said it was from someone from other class. damned that person. then was hurting so much i couldnt play anymore. sighs. but thanks shena for the massage! love ya!

i love winnie's massage too! :D i have my 2 personal massagers!

derrick rocks! argh totally :D almost cried when i listened to hen xiang ni. cos he sang it! and yue liang dai biao wo de xin too! if only you'd sing it.

whats happening to me? and us? you see me and all you say is -. dont tell me you're still angry over that incident. i dont mean to refuse. i just dint felt right going with them. urgh. thats the limit to our friendship?

i dont know why but when i look at the mirror everyday, i dont seem to know my reflection. who is that girl i see? staring straight, back at me. why is my reflection someone i dont know? im no longer mato. i dont seem to care anymore. about anything. everything in fact. where has old mato gone to? someone once asked me this, which set me thinking. the old mato would stand up for any grievances she sees. but now its like she sees someone in trouble, she simply walks away. the old mato can spin a conversation out of thin air, talkative and all. but now, she doesnt even bother to start talking, even becoming zi bi, always keeping things to herself.

i dont know. i really dont know.

guess i'll really take up psychology in uni then, regardless how long it takes to become a psychotherapist, even if i have to get a phd.

and. it feels good when pple tell you you've been a good friend. just this nice feeling, that you've been of help to someone. thanks friend! =)

you made my heart race.

doomed.

sighs. walked past them after school today. and all they said was -. MY GOD! the kind of friends i have.

sheesh geog and ss today. horrible. 2 in a day? after cramming geog i totally lost everything on ss. hence, i lost both. haha face my doom.

ive just counted. 4!! FOUR!! F-O-U-R more pe days with 406! yes! after these damned 4 sessions no more staring at the damned competitive faces of the pple in 406. not that i dont have to face them in class, but class is not as bad as pe. if miss chin hadnt controlled our game, i would have escaped from pe long ago. sighs i love pe but not with them. what irony. means ive havent really exercise since like forever.

bad news. mt results coming out soon. as if yall dint know. but i need to get it out of my chest!! argh i really need that a2. then i can give up chi alr. actually everybody also wants their As la. sighs.

i lost my cro notes!! omg of all topics why cro? shucks gonna die die die tmr.

i see that guy with a black hood. he says his name is doom. okaaay im meeting doom.